Monday, October 17, 2011

Geez... it is so depressing.... over the last several years since I started taking BP medicine (it's all I can figure) I have gained about 30 pounds. It doesn't seem to matter what I do or don't do those pounds just slowly keep adding up. I am desperate now. I can't comfortably wear any of my jeans and I just can't make myself go up yet another plus size. So, I am back to trying to eat more carefully, I have been exercising, mostly just some yoga type stuff and walking and trying to increase the difficulty each week. I know it can't hurt me (other than it kills my knees) but so far I don't think I actually doing enough to do any good. I will keep trying to increase my time and effort.. the eating less doesn't always work out :)

Honestly, I wish I could just be okay with being almost 60 and fat, but, I can't. I beat myself up on a regular basis and feel bad about myself the rest of the time.

I've been doing regular exercise for at least a month now, so, maybe I have found the stamina to keep going... we will see. The weather is nice enough now to enjoy walking so hopefully I will keep that up too.

Just thought I'd check in with a little more depressing news......


Cara said...

One thing that I've wrestled with since early childhood has been my weight. Once I had my gastric bypass I lost so much weight so fast, it was like magic.

Then I had to have 1 1/2 ovaries removed. I gained 60 pounds in just over 2 months. I was horrified and terrified that I'd gain all my weight back.

I've gained back a bit, but one thing I was able to do was let go of the whole dieting for a specific size or goal. It really is a freedom. All that energy I was using to feel like shit for my weight was transferred to other things.

Now, I wear my T-shirts and capris, and am comfortable. I'm sure Zoe doesn't give a rat's ass what size pants you wear.

Some things we have to let go to enjoy life more.


Sandra said...

I am struggling too A! I just don't like feeling so unhealthy and out of shape. I don't care if I'm a size 10 or a size 20. I just want to feel healthy and have energy and stamina. I've been walking and lifting weights. Have you considered strength training? I was just reading an article about how much it improves your metabolism and while cardio burns more calories immediately your body continues to burn calories for hours after strength training. Just thought that was interesting. You can do this A! You are right, it's not going to hurt you! Focus on all of the positive and healthy things you are doing for your body and like Cara said, let go of all the other crap. It will only bring you down.