Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Wow! A month since we started this journey together! I can hardly believe it's gone by so fast. I'm planning on buying myself a little something special as a pat on the back. We've all managed to make it part of the way up this slipery diet slope. We will prevail! :)
Boy, did I screw up tonight...
Schwans has a new product, Shrimp Scampi*. I thought.. Oh, Yeah, shrimp. The Caesar Parmesan shrimp only has 110 calories per serving(13 shrimp). The new shrimp was not listed in the nutrition guide, yet. How bad could this be??
Well, I started cooking supper only to discover that Shrimp Scampi has 310 calories per serving. I counted how many shrimp there were... 35... this means I get to eat 7 shrimp for supper and be happy about it.

Yeah, right.

Talk about a major battle.

But, I did it. Ate my seven little shrimp and a bowl of salad and walked away from the table. I asked Mark to put it in a container and put it away so I couldn't see it anymore.

I did it.

In the back of my mind I kept thinking.... tomorrow is weigh in day. I can't overdo tonight.

Thanks for being my conscience tonight ladies.

* it is really, really good though


Do you ladies take any specific supplements?

I take a multivitamin daily, but am considering adding flax seed oil or fish oil supplements; I've heard they're both really good for your heart specifically, among other benefits. I don't eat much fish or get too much fat or Omega-3s.

Aola, I noticed you added flax seed to your smoothie...

DIET: On and awesome. Will be "cheating" a little tonight; going out to coffee with two girlfriends. I'll probably get something non-fat and sugar-free, but hopefully I can avoid the amazing peanut butter cookies at this shop.
WATER: Just finishing my 14th cup.
WEIGHTS: None today. Heavy day tomorrow.
CARDIO: HIIT on stationary bike.

Sandra's Log star date 01312006

I have to do this now so I don't put it off and then forget. I'll add the rest tonight.

6:30 a.m. Omlet with whole wheat toast 320 calories
3/4 Nonfat No whip Mocha 120 calories
10 a.m. small apple 40 calories
10:15 a.m. 30 minute circut training with heart rate @ 75% (378 calories burned)
10:45 a.m. 15 minute booty boot camp (150 calories burned)
11 a.m. 15 minutes stretching/yoga (59 calories burned)
11 a.m. Zone bar 210 calories
2 p.m. Healthy Choice chicken and porchini mushroom meal 330 calories
2:30 p.m. 1 hershy kiss 30 calories
As of 2 p.m. 32 oz of water down.
4p.m. 2 whole wheat crackers with smear of laughing cow light cheese 85 calories
4:30 p.m. 12 minutes of HIIT (two minute warm up 10 minutes alternating between running at 5.5 mph and run/walking at 4.5pmh) NO IDEA HOW MANY CALORIES BURNED
6 p.m. 1/2 cup sweet potato with splenda 55 calories
5 oz of chicken 250 calories
1/2 cup of corn 60 calories
1 slice whole wheat bread with roasted garlic spread 100 calories
1600 calories eaten
587+ calories burned
I'm officially erasing yesterday from my memory. I went over by 300 calories and felt like I weighed 300 pounds. I know it's because I started my period. I'll spare you all the details. Today is a new day though. I'm feeling pretty good. Two steps forward one step back right?
While working on the newsletter for work, I found this article Twenty Ways To Love Your Body and wanted to share it. Reading it made me feel good. Sometimes I can be so hard on myself and my body that I forget all the things my body does for me and all the ways it is beautiful. We have strong healthy bodies ladies! We are able to workout and make healthy choices. We may not be where we want to be, but we are capable of getting there!
Tomorrow is weigh-in day!

I can't wait to see how many pounds and inches everyone has lost.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Time to press in

Today is a weight day for me. I did three sets of 10 reps for the following...

CHEST: Incline bench press
BACK: Good mornings (for lower back and hamstrings)
SHOULDERS: Bent over raises (kind of like lateral raises, but bent over at the waist)
HAMMIES: Stiff-legged deadlifts
QUADS: Starting doing Bulgarian squats, but felt a weird muscle pull in my right inner thigh so I stopped. It still hurts a little. Hopefully I'll be able to walk tomorrow. Oy vey! Finished working on quads with some leg extensions instead so I wouldn't work my inner thighs so much.

No cardio (yet). May do some tonight while Jason is watching 24.

Diet is:
Meal 1-3 oz of chocolate protein powder with 1 cup (cooked) oatmeal
Meal 2-1 hardboiled egg with one (larger) slice of whole wheat bread with natural peanut butter (about 1 tbsp)
Meal 3-3 oz lean steak (top round) seasoned with pepper and garlic salt with 2/3 cup of sweet potatoes plus a salad with balsamic vinagrette
Meal 4-1/2 cup of cottage cheese with mixed berries (blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, blackberries-frozen mix)

I haven't eaten meals 5 & 6 yet, but I'm planning on eating:

Meal 5-Lean ham or steak in a whole wheat tortilla with stir fry vegetables
Meal 6-(practically a cheat meal I love it so much) 1/2 cup of Grape Nuts + skim milk and 1/2 cup of cottage cheese.

TOTAL calories: approximately 1650-1750.

Water: I'm trying to drink a gallon each day (16 8-oz cups); I'm on my 14th cup and close to my eighth trip to the restroom. Ha!

I am trying something a little new as far as my diet goes: I am preparing my lunches (and some of my dinners) on Sundays to eat throughout the week. My 1,2,4, and 6 meals will stay mostly the same, but my lunch (3) and dinner (5) will vary a little (lean steak and ham one week with sweet potatoes and rice, chicken and tuna the next with pasta and WW bread). That way my calories stay pretty consistent so I'll know if I need to tweak them up or down to reach my goals. I know some people like more variety in their diet, but I'm pretty good with eating like this. I usually rotate J's dinners on a two-weeks schedule and it works pretty well for us.

Have a beautiful day, girls. I don't know about y'all, but I think I've hit a little of that "dieting slump" where you're not seeing results quickly and want to give up. But this, more than ever, is the time to press in and keep working hard.

Tell Me Again

Tell me again why I'm doing this. My motivation has gotten a bit screwy and I'm starting to feel like: 'what's the use?' I'm off track. Sorry to be a downer.
Somebody, please, tell me that this will get better....

The weight is coming off slowly but not in the places I hoped for. My most problematic area is my middle. I have a fat tummy and waist. What weight I have lost has come off my butt and hips, leaving me shaped even worse than I was before. I keep telling myself just to keep working and eventually the fat will start coming off the midsection. I've ordered a couple of exercise DVD's to help me find some exercises to help.

I need someone to tell me I'm right.

Dear Compadritas

Am sooo sick with chest congestion that gets worse and not better. Sorry I haven't been around much. will reappear for real when I cough it all out. gross, i know.

Sunday, January 29, 2006


I woke up this morning feeling like life is worth celebrating. We have had a couple of inches of rain this weekend, every thing looks fresh and renewed. The sun is shining and it feels like springtime. Although I know in my head that is not altogether a good thing because we all know winter is not over yet but in my heart I felt like celebrating.

Fairly often we entertain on Sunday evenings. I love to cook for a crowd. Jason & Shyla, Levi & Christi, and we will be here tonight. I have a huge rump roast cooking in the oven, carrots to be added later. I will make mashed potatoes, rolls, and a salad. I baked a double layer chocolate fudge cake with fudge icing and chocolate sprinkles. We have chocolate and vanilla ice cream to go with that. I'll brew a pot of chocolate macadamia nut coffee.

I decorated the big dining table with a pale yellow with lavender flowers table cloth and the dessert table with a purple table cloth. I put out my good china. It is white with a gold rim and a tiny red rose in the center. I put the cake on a white china platter and set it on the new wooden cake stand Richard & Rhonda made me for Christmas.

All very spring like and festive.

Hope everyone is enjoying their Free day.
I think I will go walk just because it feels good.

See ya'

Friday, January 27, 2006


My co-workers just tried to come in and steal some of my popcorn. They weren't fast enough! Ha!

Hands off my tiny bag of popcorn, gals!
Ok, I will go first since we are finished with school for the day/week and I have a little time to kill.

I won't always add so much explanation but thought I would this time:

10:00 am
1 cup (old fashioned) oatmeal w/ 2T brown sugar, 1T butter (not margerine)
and 2T dried cranberries cooked in...........................................................300
1/2 cup coffee w/ cream.............................................................................. 50

After breakfast while getting dressed I do 10 -15 minutes of yoga type exercise. While I do these I am listening to Audio Visions on XM radio (very Zen like music). I incorporate the exercise and music into a time of prayer and worship; ie... bending/strecthing my will unto His, reaching up to Him, etc.

12:00 noon
1/2 cup rice
w/stewed tomatoes, carrots, onions, celery................................................150
1/2 cup coffee....................................................................................................50

walk for 30 minutes

snack of:
1 cup smoothie .............................................................................................120
made with soy milk, low fat yogurt, soy protein, flax seed, and frozen fruit
(yesterday I used blueberrie and strawberries)

salad w/chicken breast............................................................................. 150
1T blue cheese dressing

1/4 cup granola
1/2 cup low fat yogurt
2 T blueberries.......................................................................................... 180

while watching Ellen I do
50 reps each arm with an 8 pound weight - Curls
50 reps each arm with an 8 pound weight - lifting above my head and strecthing over to the side
50 crunches (10 at time and breath)

Then I got weak and ate a bowl of popcorn with Emily while we watched a movie

Pretty Cool

Hi Ya'll. Yesterday I was noticing that my pants were a bit loose and that felt really good. However, the really great part was when I got undressed for bed, I pulled the pants off without unzipping them. If you knew my body type (pear) you would rejoice with me. (Well, I know you'll rejoice with me anyway.) I was so happy I measured myself...but I'm not giving the official results until after Feb. 1. However, let's just say I'm very PLEASED with the results. We're getting there, ladies. Thanks for your help and support. It's so great knowing you're there.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Blogging question for you...

If I wanted to start logging my day-by-day eating and exercising, do you think I should start a new blog or do it here?

I don't care either way; just thought I'd get your thoughts on it, gals. I fully expect and demand you to read my posts whether they are here or elsewhere. Just joking.

:) I am so proud of all of you for sticking with your goals!

8 pounds

I started this new regime after going to the doctor in December and finding out my triglycerides were way too high. Of course, while I was there they weighed me (how embarrassing is that?)

Yesterday I had to take Em to the doctor, she has a sinus infection and nasty cough which most of the time becomes serious with her. I knew she needed some antibiotics ( I hate for her to have to take them but sometimes we just do) and some medication for her nebulizer.

While we were waiting for Dr. Jeff to get to us I slipped out into the hallway and weighed myself.
In December when I weighed it was early in the morning, yesterday was late in the afternoon which usually makes a difference of a couple of pounds
But, even with that I had lost 8 pounds.

I feel like that is pretty good. 8 pounds in a month.
Chocolate cream filled cupcakes are not safe in my house. I ate three before realizing this. The remaining cupcakes are safe in a friends tummy.
Needless to say I was feeling very icky this morning after having eaten those yesterday. So, I pulled out the new edition of Self to look for something inspiring and found a 12 minute workout. I did it this morning and am feeling much better about myself. I am going to replace my morning coffee with this workout. I didn't need those extra 90 calories anyway.
Did anyone else cry durring The Biggest Loser last night? When the two teens were talking about being made fun of at school and going to the mall and comming home with a purse or ear rings because nothing fit I just couldn't hold back the tears! I always felt like the fat girl in high school. I was a size 12 in a sea of size 6's. I was never made fun of for my weight, I just always felt like the odd one out. It's hard to imagine myself as anything but overweight, but I have to believe I can make it.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Erin is home now and the surgery went perfectly. She's sleeping now and other than a little pain in her tummy from the incision and feeling a little icky from the medication, she is fine. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.
My diet wasn't the best yesterday, but I did what I could. Despite hospitals being all about health, their food really isn't the most healthy.
I'm feeling really emotional today and wanted to turn to food, but didn't. Between the rock hard matress they called a bed and Erin having to go to the bathroom every hour or so, I didn't get much sleep so I don't think I will workout. I want to curl up under the blankets and veg. Maybe I'll go take a nice relaxing bath and if I'm feeling more rested later I'll workout.


I am craving chocolate so bad/much/whatever. Aaarrrrrgggghhhh!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

blah, blah, blah

I have had such a yucky day, my emotions are all out of whack (Levi's new "almost" wife is moving her stuff into the cabin today) and I have just wanted to eat everything in sight all day long. I keep telling myself it is just self-pity and not hunger. I've done ok, I don't think I went over my calories but I did console my self a little by eating spaghetti for dinner (a very small portion).

I haven't weighed in several days. I'm trying to only weigh once a week, hoping to actually see some results.

I know I'm acting like a big weenie but this whole situation has been very hard for me but I will get over it and get back to my normal routine.

Grace does not get us out of unpleasant situations, it is what gets us through to the other side.

My hands are small, I know...

(Major points for you if you know who sings that line...)

I'm loving the Body for Life eating plan because you don't have to count calories. It's all about portion sizes. Six portions of lean protein and six portions of healthy carbs each day, and the portions are the size of your fist. And be sure to get your veggies.

I am eating better, cleaner than I ever thought I could or would. In fact, I ate a piece of nasty, greasy pizza the other day and it made me have a headache and stomachache. Not that pain is a good thing, but I feel like something in my body is finally getting it: this food is not good for you, even though you've been eating it all your life.

I used to count calories. But it got to the point where I was counting calories in every moment of my day. J would ask me, "Whatcha thinking about?" and I'd have to answer, "How many calories are in a Big Mac...." Kind of embarrassing. It was taking over my life.

However, calories are important. I've been really tired lately, so I calculated how much I was typically eating in a day on Body for Life. Ooops.

1350. Way too little for me. Like...500 calories too little.

I used to encourage my friends in college who I was teaching to play guitar, "Hey, if I can play this complicated chord with my tiny hands, you should be able to do it!" I should have remembered, I have small hands! I need to eat more!

Hopefully this will help me build lean muscle, power me through my workouts and my day, and keep me more energized than I have been lately.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Oh, yeah!

3 (yes, three) cranberry orange muffins

2 cheese enchiladas
1 order rice
1 - 1/2 baskets tortilla chips
2 bowls salsa

that was my fix for the week, all the things I miss the most.. chips, rice, cheese, bread.

I should be good until next week.

I wish Sandy didn't live a gzillion miles away from me. We should really be together this week so we could take turns crying on each others shoulder because I know this is going to rank up there with one of those weeks from hell.

I better go order some more crazy pills 'cause I am going to need them.
Well, my free day wasn't too horrible. We went out to dinner at Dave & Busters. I ordered my favorite, parmesan crusted chicken scallopini with alfredo. I only ate half. Before you go thinking I'm some kind of patron saint, you should know that the portions are huge so eating half was really a matter of what my stomache could hold as opposed to any willpower I may or may not have asserted. Although, I must say I didn't eat too much and feel that icky too full feeling. I made the triple fudge cake, but I chose to make little individual ones. There were twelve total. I ate one. I am going to freeze the rest. I know that they will be safe in my freezer.
It's going to be a stressfull week for me. They called us on Friday to say Erin is having surgery on Tuesday. Yep, that's tomorrow. It's a minor surgery, but even minor surgery on my little girl is a big deal to me. We go in this evening to talk to the doctor and find out all the in's and out's. All I know currently is that she will be having surgery to remove her appendix tomorrow morning some time. I plan on staying in the hospital with her all day tomorrow and through the night. She'll be released some time Wednesday.
I'll let you all know how she is when I can. I am sure things will go well and she will be fine.
On a little side note, the 4lbs that were missing from the scale are still missing. I never believe it until I see it at least 3 times. :)

Post in which it is affirmed that the universe is, in fact, our friend

So yesterday morning I weighed myself and saw that the three punds that had spun me into crisis had now vanished. They were not only liars, they had no staying power. Weighed myself again this morning and saw myself to be missing yet another pound. this puts me at one pound under my intial weight.

And all this reminds me that we reap what we sow, in the end. All those elliptical trainings, the fresh berries, the sparkpoints couldn't be wrong. This week, yet another pound will be sent packing. Want to send some with me? Go girls!

Sunday, January 22, 2006

It's my free day baby and I plan on doing it up right. I bought a double fudge cake mix that I dreamed about last night. I could even be tempted to have it for breakfast if I knew it wouldn't make me sick.
I did the Biggest Loser boot camp workout yesterday and my arms are sooo sore! I used 5lb weights and couldn't even make it through the entire workout with them. I thought about purchasing smaller weights, but I decided to just use the 5's as much as I can and go from there. It's a fairly intense workout. Good thing it's only 20 minutes long.
The scale is finally showing some loss. I was at 196 this morning. That's four pounds down. I know I need to stay off of that stupid thing, but it's so hard! I'm trying to only weigh once a week. I know, Kristen, I should only do it once a month but I just can't do that yet. I'll work towards it. :)
I hope you all had a great free day and have a fabulous Sunday!

Saturday, January 21, 2006


I started birth control about 10 days ago to help clear up my skin. I had been having breakouts and decided to try to control them from within this way- try to reign in hormones.
It has been good for my skin- I have few blemishes left to worry about.


I have gained weight. Three pounds and I don't think they're honest. I have worked out like four times this week. I haven't been eating perfectly but I KNOW that i didn't consume an extra

(3500*3) 10,500 calories!

Isn't that what I would have to have dome to gaint that weight for real?

As I sit here eating fresh strawberries, blueberries an blackberries, I am thinking I cannot abide this weight gain. I am trying. Not one hundred percent, mind you, but trying like 65% at least and that means I have no real right to expect weight loss but every right to feel guarded drom weight gain.

Anyone know anything about this? It is urban myth? i don't think so because my doctor told me it might happen. =(

What would You do? get off it? stay on until the hormones are truly curbed?


Friday, January 20, 2006


The van was back today! I made sure it was her (by a hilarious spyglass from a coworker) and called the cops. Found out she's a private investigator investigating ME!
Girls, you have no idea how ridiculous and stupid this is. Even if I wanted to embezzle money, I could never figure out how to do it - I suck at accounting stuff. I am not having an affair - I never hang out with other men. I don't know anybody Mafia-ish. I've never witnessed a crime. I'm not involved in any lawsuits. I just don't get it.
At least I know this person isn't some freak-o stalking me and I'm not in any imminent danger.
On a much better and positive and happy, satisfying note: I started my period and I FEEL GREAT! I have energy and strength and just plain feel good. I am so happy about this. AND, my jeans were looser this morning. Hallelujah!
My life really isn't this dramatic and I'm not a drama queen; ask Kristen.
Funny, eh?

Friday, again, already

Weekends are hard. I don't want to think about what I eat or don't eat. I want to watch movies and pig out.

But... I won't because I don't want to get completely off track here. I have worked too damn hard at this to mess it up.

I did stop and pick up a six-pack today. I haven't had a beer in over a month. I never drink more than one in an evening but sometimes they just taste so good... and I am going to have a beer tonight and watch Constantine. If I do ok at supper time I might could even have a little popcorn.

My bras are starting to be uncomfortably loose. I hooked it on the last set of hooks this morning and decided to measure (I wasn't going to until the first of the month, mainly because I didn't want to be disappointed). I have lost an inch and a half in my bust. I ordered one new bra today, one size down (I just bought one because I don't want to stop there).
I've decided that when I get to do the breast reduction surgery I want a size C. I'm not sure I have ever been that small (I wore a D cup in Jr. High and it only got bigger from there) but I get all happy thinking about being able to wear clothes that I have never been able to wear before.

Hope you guys have a wonderful weekend.

Turns out...

Cookie dough is safe in my house, after all. I haven't had any. Even on Wednesday when I was working from home and could have had some without anyone knowing!

Tomorrow I will indulge!

EDIT: Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...

I benched fifty pounds today. For six reps. When I started three weeks ago, I couldn't get the 50 pounder off my chest. Literally. I was stupid enough to not have a spotter so I had to roll it off of me. Not fun for the boobs, ribs or stomach, let me tell you. (I always have a spotter now! Thanks, Mom and Dad!)

In high school after a semester of weight lifting, I lifted about 75 lbs. if I remember correctly. One day, I'll be back up there, but for now, I'm just celebrating my victory!
It's been a not so good week. My workouts have been awesome! I tried TBL workout and it totally kicked my butt.
Eating has been an issue. I haven't eaten "bad" foods, but I've gone over on calories. The problem is, I've been really hungry. My stomache was growling so loudly the other night it woke me up. I had gone to bed hungry because I had already eaten dinner and thought I shouldn't eat anymore, but this can't be right. I know I shouldn't feel like I'm starving.
I thought about it last night and went over my food journal. I think part of the problem is my fat intake. I don't think I am getting enough. So, last night I had something with a little more fat and sure enough, I wasn't hungry anymore. It was the first time in three days I didn't feel hungry. I'm sure this is somehow related to pms because I've been eating about the same thing for three weeks and it only bothered me this week, but I can't quite connect the two. I've scoured the net in search of information and found plenty relating to eating more durring mestruation, but nothing about the week before and that is the week I'm always more hungry. The week of I don't usually want to eat at all.
The scale still hasn't budged in my favor neither have my inches and that is very frustrating. I am working very hard and sticking to a meal plan. To not see results is disapointing. I won't give up, but it makes each choice a more difficult one because it seems like even when added up the right choices aren't getting me anywhere. I am doing this for health, but I also want to be skinny.

Thursday, January 19, 2006


Ah, today was one weird day! Jerry worked all night and got home around 5:30 a.m. I got up and did my workout and got ready for work. Just the usual morning stuff, you know. At one point, I went outside to make sure Jerry had taken the garbage to the street and again to look for the paper. I noticed a minivan parked across the street, but didn't really take notice of it. Until I left for work and it followed me. I thought it was weird so I took a funky way to work and that stupid van followed me ALL THE WAY to my workplace, into the parking lot even. So I get out of my car and the van looks like its gonna park close by, so I walk toward it to ask the driver why he was following me. He leaves - not in a hurry, but leaves. Okay, I think, just some weirdo trying to freak me out. (He did.) Then later, I saw the van drive by the front of the store. Okay that was just way too strange. So, on my break about 30 mins later, I drove my car thru the parking lot to see if the van was around. Sure enough, the van was parked at the end other end of the strip mall. I got the license number, but didn't see anyone in the van from the back. When I drove around, I saw someone inside and pulled up to talk to the person. She (yes, she) hightailed it outta there. I got out of my car and yelled, "HEY!" but she purposely ignored me and left.
Of course, there are a million things I could have done. I should've parked behind the van so it couldn't drive away; I should've followed her; etc. But what I did was go back to my office and freak out, then I called the police. The dispatch center had an officer there in just a couple of minutes...we are right next door to a sheriff's office. So he took my report and ran the plates. But nothing else has happened at this point. Which is fine. BUT, I just realized something...I didn't turn to food to comfort myself. That is so awesome! Anywhoo, thanks for listening. Love you guys.


I never realized how much I rewarded myself with food. And by "how much." I mean how often and how much food I was eating.

I thought I indulged infrequently until I started this new plan. I'd justify eating sweets by saying, "Well, I don't do this every day," but seriously, after a while, I was doing it almost every day.

And I would reward myself with food when I was


"I'm standing here in line at Walmart; why can't these people hurry up? Why am I always stuck behind the person with insufficient funds? Arrghh. I'll just grab this Reese's Pieces; it's been a rough day, I've done all this shopping, I deserve it."

or bored

"Nothing to do. Can't go outside; it's raining...again. No one is home for me to call. Blah. Blah. Blah. Ooooh, Dr. Pepper!"

or happy.

"Yahoo, America's Next Top Model is on! Time to break out the ice cream and white cheddar popcorn!"

I feel like I am gaining a healthier view of food now that I am using it for fuel. Now I think, "Is this going to help me perform better in my daily life? In my running and weight lifting? Am I actually hungry?"

I love being more aware of what I am putting in my body. This is awesome. And it's simple. I'm not counting calories (Body for Life uses portions, not calories), but I still have to plan nutritious choices.

Thanks for being on this journey with me, gals.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

confessions of a mad white woman

I rushed thru school this morning so I could take my Mother to the hospital for a CT scan. After several hours at the hospital I no more than got home when Mark told me we really needed to get our weekly Walmart shopping done this afternoon because he had to be gone tomorrow and that the optometrist had called and Emily's glasses were ready to be picked up so we turned right around and back to town we went (14 miles to Ada). We made several stops and by the time we got the Walmart shopping done, I was starved (flashbacks to Sandy's Costco post). I ate 1/2 pound of honey bbq chicken and almost 1/2 pound of fried okra.

Ok, get out the whip.........

I'm stuffed, my tummy hurts, and I feel guilty as hell.

Hear a Long Moan

The bad news: I'm failing on the exercise, miserably.

Being pregnant makes me feel like a deflated balloon -- not much zip in my step. Did any of you feel this way? Know people who thought walking down the stairs to the kitchen might kill them?

The mediocre news: I'm eating okay. Vegetables still make me gag, but so does anything sweet. My diet consists of mostly dairy, fruit and a littl protein.

The good news: I haven't gained any weight. At my last appointment, I had lost weight, but I'm sure that's because of a decrease in muscle tone due to my constant lethargy.

Help girls! Give me some ideas of how to fit in some exercise when it snows or rains everyday and I think eight o'clock sounds like a good bedtime.


I just gotta share this with you...I've lost about 10 lbs. I'm right on track - 3.5 lbs in about 2 weeks. The thing is I was kinda getting down on myself because I didn't eat "just right" and I didn't exercise "just right." But WOW, it's working! Hang in there, you guys. We're doing it!
Even though I'm suffering PMS (want to eat everything chocolate and stay in bed forever) I am so dang encouraged and motivated. I'm sending motivation vibes to you all.

Diet? What Diet?

I ate birthday cake yesteray. No one I know personally had a birthday recently so there was no celebration to blame it on. My daughter went to a birthday party with my sister-in-law on Saturday. She brought her cake home placed it in the the fridge, and I ate it. I didn't stop with the cake either. While watching American Idol, I had a slice of cranberry apple bread. I didn't go over on calories too much, but I felt like a pig. I ate for reasons other than hunger and that always makes me feel awful. I feel out of control and I'm a person who loves control. I'm sure it's due to the fact that my hormones are raging right now and a call from my twin that put me right over the edge. It was a step back, but today I'll make two steps forward and call it even.
I haven't managed to do the Biggest Loser workout yet. David's been home sick and he's a t.v. nazi. I wouldn't want him to have to sit through watching me workout anyway.
My new mantra is "Make the right choice not the right now choice."

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

So...question for you gals...gonna be a long one

I realize we aren't all health experts or anything, but I have been thinking about tweaking my workout plan and wanted to get some input from you ladies.

As you know, I am following the Body for Life eating and exercise plan. The exercise segment calls for three weight lifting days (alternating lower and upper body) and three interval training cardio days. My question is in regard to the cardio.

I am doing what is called high intensity interval training (HIIT). In HIIT, you do high intensity intervals for a set number of seconds, followed by a period of "active recovery" (slower movement) in a ratio of one to two or one to three.

For example, I SPRINT as fast as I can for 20 seconds and then walk for 40 seconds (or 60 seconds, depending on the ratio I choose). I usually repeat the intervals 12 times. (I always do a 5-10 minute warm-up and cool-down/stretch.) Get the picture? You can also do this on a stationary bike or elliptical (basically any cardio machine).

(This is a little different from the Body for Life plan, but it is just another form of doing HIIT I learned through previous study.)

HIIT is great for people trying to lose fat who don't want to lose muscle with lots of steady state cardio (jogging or biking at a steady rate for 40 or more minutes). It's also very time-efficient. The higher the intensity, the more calories you burn during and after the exercise.

All of that to say...

It's only been two weeks, and so far I am liking the results of Body for Life. I have more energy, and my clothes are getting looser, especially in that all-important hip and thigh area. Other than a few crazy days (family birthdays, etc.), my eating has been very good. (Diet is a huge part of the fat loss equation, even more important than cardio, from what I've read.)

I'd like to tweak my cardio plan a little. Instead of doing HIIT three days per week, I'd like to go to HIIT two days per week and one day of steady state cardio (specifically a longer run or bicycle ride).

Reasons why:

-I've read that a mix of cardio intensities (low, medium and high) is good for you.

-I want to leave myself some "room to progress." I am doing all the HIIT my body can manage right now (it's so intense, you need a lot of rest afterward). If I moved to doing two HIITs each week and one SS cardio session and then later felt the need to step up my cardio, I could always add another HIIT session. At this point, I don't have a lot of room to challenge myself further (because I am already going 100%), and honestly I want to be doing the least amount of work I have to do to get the results I want. Make sense?

-I love running. Having the option of going for a longer, less-intense run on Sunday (at this point, I can only run during the weekends, since it's too dark to do so before or after work right now) instead of doing HIIT would be really great for me. HIIT leaves me too wasted to go for a run later in the day on Sunday even if I wanted to.

Reasons why I'm nervous to do so:

-I've been getting good results so far and I don't want to mess with a good thing.

Sorry that was so long, but does anyone have any input or ideas?
I'm finding Spark People to be a very resourcefull site.
I haven't spent much time there, but what little time I spend has been helpfull. I just found this article Get A Handle On Emotional Eating after reading your post, Kristen. I especialy love this part of the article;
"The kicker is that stress, and the insulin jump that goes with it, may actually cause you to crave high sugar, high carbohydrate foods.."

I don't know about you all, but knowing that this craving is a physical reaction and not just a mental one is a comfort to me.

Today has been a much better day. I had a good work out with a nice long stretching time. The club wasn't as busy as yesterday so I wasn't interupted during my workout. yesterday I worked out for a few minutes and the phone rang or a customer came it. It made it impossible to keep my heart rate up and frustrated me to no end. I am very task oriented so any distraction makes me crazy even if it is part of my job. I guess that is the down side of being able to workout while I'm at work.

By the way, the ham egg and chese omlets I ordered from Schwans are the best! I heat one in the microwave for 2 minutes and throw it on a piece of whole grain toast. It's 320 calories (220 for the omlet and 100 for the toast) and one of the most filling "quick" breakfasts I've tried. I have it around 6 a.m. and don't feel hungry until 10 a.m. And, I've added whole grain crackers with laughing cow light cheese as an afternoon snack. I have 3 crackers with one small spreadable cheese wedge for a total of 120 calories. It's so yummy and filling too! It's taken care of that late afternoon hunger. Thanks for all the advice ladies!

Monday, January 16, 2006

Once again, celebrating small victories

I've been doing well on getting up to workout, drinking lots of water and getting in my veggies. I knew this would be challenging, but so far so good.

When the weather is this crummy (we're heading into our 29th straight day of rain), it just makes me want to munch on chocolate all day. So far, I've been successful at avoiding it for the most part. I need to remember that being tempted isn't the same as falling. It's okay to be tempted. Heck, in this case, even falling is okay. Just get back up. I'll probably never get to the point where I'm not tempted to munch on chocolate chip cookies when I'm stressed or depressed or bored. But I make day by day choices to do right.

Hello Dolly

The Hello Dolly bars were definitely decadent and very yummy but it didn't cause me to stop at one.... no, I had about 5 or 6 of them.
I fixed big fat fluffy biscuits with gravy and sausage for our late breakfast and had 3 slices of deep dish supreme pizza for supper.


I felt over stuffed, had indigestion, and slightly guilty after all that but it was fun.

Now it is back to business this morning.

I sent the leftover pizza home with Jason, packaged up the few leftover cookies and put them out of sight. Mark might have revolted if I had let Jason take them.

I am going to try to add some other pilate type exercising to my routine this week. I have been doing the weight training for my arms and upper body, the walking is helping my legs and butt but the area that needs the most work is my midsection... belly fat. I know it will be the hardest to get rid of and those exercises are the ones I hate the worst. But, I am going to try to make myself start doing them.

Hope everyone had a nice relaxing weekend.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

big FAT day

Yep, it's one of those days. My clothes all feel tight. I feel like a big fat whale. I hate days like these. They usually make me want to throw my hands up and scream "What's the point anyway?". I know part of my problems is my upcomming visit from the period fairie. Another is most likely my recent visit to the mall with my tall skinny sister-in-law who constantly talks about how fat she is. She is not one of those girls who knows she is skinny and says she is fat either. She really does have body image issues. I recomended therapy, and I was serious.
It's a fine line I walk between loving and accepting my body and being realistic about the size I am and the weight I need to lose. I have to really focus on reminding myself of what size I am, but too much focus in that direction sends me right over the edge. Sometimes I feel too comfortable in this skin; too used to this bluber layer that has accumulated over the last few years. I can even convince myself that I am beautiful and sexy and that I don't need to lose a single pound. That scares me as much as obsessing over an extra five pounds. I have to find balance. I have to love me for who I am and be proud of how strong and capable my body is all the while understanding that I need to lose weight inorder to be healthy and give myself every opportunity to have a long and healthful life. Today the scale is tiped towards the too fat side.

shins and knees

are both sore. I have been back for three days and gone on my circuit training ( fancy way of saying run-walk) all three INCLUDING today. It isn't as much of an accomplishment seeing as how I skipped four days in a row at my in-laws.

I am feeling great on my workouts. You guys are doing awesome! ( referencing your posts)

I Really Am Still Here

Hi Friends,
Thanks for all the birthday greetings. I am still here, just have been busy these last few days writing an article for a newsletter and trying to figure out a problem. Maybe you have some suggestions...this is not diet or exercise related, it's "I gotta have some peace" related. Okay?
My husband leaves his stuff all over the dining room table. This bugs me a lot, partly because he doesn't like it and complains, but its his stuff, for goodness sake! He even has a desk in the kitchen. The other reason it bugs me is because I have been cooking more and I'd like for us to sit at the table without all the clutter. Don't get me wrong...I'm a clutter person, just ask Kristen; but I'd like to sit at the table with Jerry for dinner.
Anyway, I bought a bookcase that I put by the table and put some cute baskets that match the tablecloth. He has blue basket and I have a pink basket for all the crap that is on the table. I like how it looks, and hopefully he'll be able to work with me on keeping the table clear. Do any of you have any other suggestions? Ever had problems like this? My friend, Nora, says I just have to 'suck it up.' She's probably right. Thanks for listening.

Free Bird

"Doesn't having a free day make it harder for you to get back on your schedule?", asked Mark.
"Well, yes, it does, a little. You might stretch your stomach a little and it is sometimes hard to go back to eating right the next day but you have to have a free day to keep your sanity!", I replied.

YES, It's my FREE DAY.

Ok, so Levi and I got out the cookie cookbook yesterday and looked for the most decadent thing we could find to bake (at Sandy's suggestion). Levi likes to bake and had volunteered to make the Free Day desert for me. We picked out Hello Dolly Bars. Oh, my, gosh.... it cost almost $20.00 just to buy the ingredients. You layer graham cracker crumbs with melted butter, chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, coconut, pecans, top with Eagle brand sweetened condensed milk and bake. I bet it has 500 calories a bite!!
And, when it is all said and done I bet Sandy is right... I won't be able to eat but a bite or two.
Good thing we are having company tonight.

We are going to order in pizza and watch Cinderella Man and play games.

So, what did you do on your free day?

Saturday, January 14, 2006

I was searching for something motivation for us and found this article
1 Step Back 2 Steps Forward
which I thought was perfect!

I then checked out the website it is on Spark People and joined it. It looks like a pretty neat site with lots of information and motivation and the plan seems well thought out.

Bad Combinations

My sister-in-law was in town yesterday. She's stunning at 5'7 and 147lbs. She thinks she fat. I think she's perfect. It's really all about our own perception of ourself isn't it? I can tell her she looks hot all I want, but unless she believes it, it won't matter a bit.
After an afternoon of shopping, we were all hungry and decided to go to dinner. Our first choice was Chili's which I knew I could handle. They have awesome chicken wrapers that I love! Chili's had a 45 minute wait. We ended up going to Armadilo Willy's, a yummy bar-b-que place. I don't know about you, but for me being so hungry I could eat just about anything and going to a yummy resteraunt is a combination for disaster! What I wanted was yummy ribbs smothered in bbq sauce and french fries with. What I got was the grilled chicken sandwhich on whole wheat with no mayo, a side salad, and a diet pepsi. It was delish! The chicken had a nice smokey flavor which cured my hankerin for bar-b-que and over all it was a healthy choice so I had none of the quilt that accompanies making a bad choice.
The Shwans man came by last night after we got home and I didn't even think twice about not ordering ice cream. I did order some ham and egg omlets that I can microwave! I'll let you know how those workout.
Thanks for all the advice and support yesterday. You ladies are the bestest!!! :)
Well ladies, we have completed another week in our journey to find skinny.

I feel good about myself. There's not a huge difference in my weight or measurements but I can feel a difference in how my clothes are fitting and that lets me know that I am making progress and it feels good. I feel sexy. I feel better about getting dressed up and going out. Hell, I feel better about putting on my jeans and staying home. It makes me feel good to have my husband look at me instead of feeling ashamed of how fat I had let myself get.
It makes me feel strong to say I walked every day this week and never went over 1400 calories.

And, we are just getting started.

An amazing things happened last night at the CD release party.
Mark and Seth had left early to go set up. Levi was meeting us there so I fixed Emily and I a salad before we left. Soon after we got to the church they brought in a boat-load of pizza. I love pizza but to my utter amazement I had absolutely no desire to eat. It wasn't that I had to fight the desire and be hungry all night... I had no desire.

Now, that felt good.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend. Mark is in the studio today and tomorrow we are having company. I think I will go to grocery store and get the stuff to make something decadent for desert.

much love,

Friday, January 13, 2006

Don't Pass on Your Body Issues

I get the Denise Austin newsletter via e-mail; it sometimes has some good tips, but most of all, I just like how upbeat she is. It's like a daily reminder to myself that life is good, eating healthy and exercising is good, and I only have one body so I'd better take care of it!

She had an interesting article last week on passing on body issues to your children. I thought I'd share it with y'all.

Want your child to have a healthy body image? The best way is to work on getting one of your own, say experts from Harvard Medical School. In a study of 5,331 teenage girls and 3,881 teenage boys, researchers found that 54 percent of those who worried about their own weight had a mother who focused on being thin at all costs. These teens were also more likely to find unhealthy solutions for controlling their weight.

So what's a parent to do? First, strive to make your own struggle with your weight about health, not appearance. Be careful what messages you're sending kids about their struggle with weight and body image — always focus on the health benefits of eating right and staying active rather than the cosmetic ones. And, most importantly, be sure your kids know you love them no matter what their weight. Even if it seems like your kids aren't picking up on your weight issues, they probably are. So set a good example for your children by taking good care of yourself — body and soul.

I am happy my mom taught me to love myself the way I am. I know she has struggled with a few weight issues herself (haven't we all at some point?), but she didn't pass those on to me, and I am grateful.

By the way, Mom, happy birthday! I love you!

The skinny of it all..

If you ladies could be so kind as to look at the chart below and tell me if you think I'm eating too little. I keep my calories between 1400 and 1500 each day. Acording to the chart which is based on my BMR and my workouts, I should be eating 1700. If this is true, could eating to few calories cause me not to lose weight? It all makes sense to me on paper, but applying it to real life never seems to work for me.
Column one is my BMR.
Column two is the minutes I workout per day.
Column three is the total amount of calories I burn in a day.
Column four is the 500 calories per/day it takes to lose a pound a week.
Column four is the amonut of calories I can eat per day and still have -500 calories a day.

Sun 1,668 0 500 1,168
Mon 1,668 45 min 2,241 500 1,741
Tue 1,668 45 min 2,241 500 1,741
Wed 1,668 45 min 2,241 500 1,741
Thu 1,668 45 min 2,241 500 1,741
Fri 1,668 45 min 2,241 500 1,741
Sat 1,668 30 min 1,907 500 1,407

Weekly Total: 3,500
Calories contained in 1 lb of fat 3,500
You will lose per week 1.00 lbs

10 Week Total: 35,000
Or, 10 lbs

As if that weren't enough for you to go through, does anyone have an quick breakfast ideas? This morning I woke up late and didn't have time for breakfast so I ended up having a bagel from Starbucks. Totally not the best choice at all, but I did chose light cream cheese. I wake up before the sun so I need a breakfast that doesn't require much brain power as well. And if you have any ideas for curbing my afternoon appetite that would be much appreciated too.


Thursday, January 12, 2006

10 Minute Rule

My ten minute rule: If after ten minutes of working out I still don't want to do it, I can quit, but I have to put in the ten minutes. By minute ten of todays workout I was pretty sure that I would only go twenty minutes. At twenty minutes I thought "Thirty minutes..no one could say any thing bad about that. No one would think less of me. Thirty minutes is a reasonable time. Thirty minutes is good." At thirty minutes the theme song from "Flash Dance" came on and I knew I had to finish what I started. I did 45 minutes and stayed strong for my booty boot camp as well as my cool down yoga and stretching. Hey Erica, if you think it feels good to run when it feels good to run, you should try doing it when it doesn't feel so good! It feels good to know that inspite of what I thought I wanted, I did what I needed and came out on top. After my workout I even re-aranged the machines in the club.
When I get home today I have to shampoo the carpets and finish cleaning. Davids sister is comming over tomorrow with our niece Abbey so I have to baby proof things.
Thanks for the encouragement Kristen! You ROCK!
My motivation meter is on low today. I don't want to be at work and I don't want to workout, but I am here and I will workout. I'm so lame, I purchased the Biggest Loser workout dvd. I haven't done it yet, but I plan to today. Did anyone watch the show last night? David paused it durring the preview next week so we could see what they look like. AMAZING!!!!
Okay..I'm going to work out even though I realy don't want to. I'd rather go home and take a nap.
My underwear is getting too big!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006


I am really starting to appreciate the whole 12-week concept of Body for Life.

On the one hand, I have a goal, a date, a time to "cross the finish line." I am motivated to succeed because I want to look back on these twelve weeks without regrets. In twelve weeks, I will be able to say, "Here is my success. This is what I did." If I was making these changes without an "end" date in mind, it just wouldn't be as motivating for me, I think. It would be harder to force myself to make good decisions every day.

On the other hand, if I mess up, it's not the end of the world. After all, these twelve weeks are just the start of a new healthy lifestyle; I have a whole lifetime of good choices ahead of me. I'm not competing against anyone, but I am challenging myself to do better. I know I can do it!

Dear Friends

Know what's funny? I have so many people I want to tell about this page, but I also want to reserve the right to complain about them on my bad days...hmm, maybe I just shouldn't complain, eh?
Last night I printed out excerpts from our blog (without noting who said what) for me to keep in my purse and to have at work. This way, when I'm tempted, I can refer to the list and be encouraged.
Hope everyone's day is going great.
Funny File:

I was flipping through the new issue of Fitness and found this. "Stop referring to my most forgiving jeans as my "fat" pants. There are no fat days, just times when lycra is more welcome than others!"

Not-so-funny File:
If you really want to feel your abs burn try this V-up.
I tried them today and can't manage do do it with my feet straight up so I bend my knees and do the same motion. I did 3 sets of 15 and my abs were on fire!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

It's my party and I'll pig if I want to...

Calories don't count on your birthday, right?

Or your family members' birthdays?

I want to reach my goals, and I keep reminding myself that if and when I "cheat" on my diet, I am harming no one but myself. I am cheating myself out of progress. I want to be able to look back and say, "I did this without regrets."

But honestly, real life takes precedence over my desire to look cute in a swimsuit. Family celebrations and the food that accompanies these celebrations will not make a permanent dent in my health or my physique. Not that every day isn't worth celebrating...or that a person should make up "holidays" or crises to justify eating decadently.

Holidays and birthdays remind us all the more how much our culture, history and our very identity is wrapped up in food. Food can be a part, but in working on achieving a more healthy lifestyle, I want to shift the focus off of food (for my birthday way off in six months) and on to people and experiences. Food is a part, but it's not the whole.

By the way, I am having dessert at my brother's birthday party tonight. And probably at my mom's birthday party on Friday, too. That is all.
Yesterday was one of those days where I could have eaten everything in the kitchen and had to fight myself all day long to keep my calorie count under 1500. I did though.
And today I'm not hungry at all.... I didn't even want breakfast... what is up with that??

Monday, January 09, 2006

Power In The Moment

We went grocery shopping at Costco today. Anyone who goes to Costco knows about thier concession stand. They have the most delicious chicken bakes which pack in a whopping 600+ calories! They also cary a variety of other not-very-diet-friendly foods at more than pocket-book-friendly prices which makes turning down a tasty snack that much harder. Who can resist a yummy treat at a bargin basement price? Today I was totally tempted by their hand dipped ice cream on a stick. (Only a buck twenty-five). Before my husband went up to order, he asked me if I wanted anything. My mind raced with a thousand answers and I wondered if I would be strong enough to say "no thanks". It took all the willpower I could muster, but I was strong enough in that moment to hold back every answer but the one I needed to say. It was hard. Eating after shopping has become a ritual of ours. I didn't want to part with it, but I knew I had to. As I sat on the bench beside the concession and waited for him, I thought about my decision and the strength it took in that moment to say no. I only had to be strong in that moment. The moments before and after it didn't matter. Once I had said no, the struggle was over. The voices quited down knowing they had lost and I was at peace with my choice. For me, this entire journey comes down to one choice and having the power in the moment that choice is made to do what will help me reach my goal. I can't predict what will come and I can't erase what has been, but I can choose to be strong for a moment. One moment that when combined with all the other moments equalls change.
Happy Monday! My free day went over really well and I'm surprised at my ability to bounce back into routine today. I thought it would be more difficult for me. I have to admit that reading about Aola's onion rings did make my mouth water. For my free day I had pancakes with pb&j for breakfast and an ice cream after dinner. I thought that I would go crazy, but I didn't, and I didn't even want to. We were working hard all weekend or rather I was. David got sick in the middle of my "big plans". I cleaned out the entire house and threw away an entire truck load full of things we have collected and don't need. It felt so good to get it all out of there! If only it were that easy to get rid of the excess weight. One pound at a time, or if it's a really tough day, one calorie at a time. I can't even explain to you all how important this little community is to me and my efforts. It's helping me so much! Thank you all!

back to work

I thoroughly enjoyed my free day. I was feeling much better. The fam went out to play. We wound up eating at Bandana's. I had a charbroiled chicken salad and, of course, an order of onion rings. I added a little extra ranch dressing and didn't worry about it a bit.
I did pick up a battery for the scales....according to it I have lost 10 pounds but I don't know how accurate it is. It was still fun to see that lower number on the scale!
Since I didn't feel up to walking Saturday, I did walk yesterday, not as aggressively but a nice pace once around the trail. It just felt good.

This week Mark and I will start doing two full rounds, that should bring us up to 30 minutes of walking a day. I increased the weight I am using, still don't have a bench yet so I am doing some curls 3 or 4 times a week.

I have been watching shows on plastic surgery, trying to wrap my brain around having a breast reduction. I would really like to have it done. I have always had big boobs and now after 4 kids, breast feeding for years, being overweight.. I have enormous boobs. I know if I ever obtain my goal weight those enormous boobs are going to look like deflated water balloons... not a pretty sight. Hopefully, by the time I do reach that weight I will come to grips with having surgery.

I told you I was a weenie!

Hey There!

So, how did the weekend go? Did you all survive your free days? I actually did - and I attribute it to God's grace and mercy. We went out to eat, but stayed within reasonable limits and later, in the evening, we went out to have a DQ blizzard. Yum, cookie dough. I felt like I deserved it, but at the same time, I don't want to reward myself with food...that's how I got here in the first place, by having an emotional attachment to food (a comfort, a reward, a celebration, whatever.) So, gotta find a better weekly reward. Guess what I didn't get that I really, really wanted? A latte. Not for the caffeine, though, just because I like 'em. This Friday is my birthday and since I turned 40 (about 4 years ago,) I have been trying to go away for my birthday - a retreat of sorts - and I'm going this weekend. To Shelton. Kristen will laugh because Shelton isn't the most exciting place to go around here, but the hotel has wireless internet access and seems nice with a fitness center and Walmart close by. What else could a girl ask for, right?
I have to write a NL article on love. Any insights? Any quotable quotes? I'm serious. I love to hear any insights you have on the good and bad of love.
Hope and pray you all have a great week. Talk to you soon.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Blah, blah, blah

This weekend is pretty much a bust for me; I started last night and for me that means two days of feeling like crap. The older I get the worse my periods are, longer and heavier with way more cramping. The first couple of days I am taking 1000mg of Tylenol every four hours just to cope.
I haven't over eaten, really don't feel like eating but did go ahead and have that cookie I knew I shouldn't have. Didn't walk today any further than I absolutely had to. I was proud of Mark though, he went ahead and walked at noon even tho I didn't feel like going.

Looking forward to Monday when I know I will be feeling better and able to get back to my routine.

Today is a better day

Yesterday was one of those "good for nothing" days. My alarm didn't go off in the morning (but somehow was set to go off this morning at 5:50 a.m. GRRR!) so I didn't get my morning workout in. Then I had to go to a not-so-healthy restaurant for a work-related lunch. I didn't order soda or dessert, but I didn't order the healthiest thing on the menu either.

Crazy enough, I have another work-related luncheon to go to next Friday--and both my brother's and mom's birthdays are this next week--so I will really have to be the Queen of Self Control to get through all these planned yummy food events.

After a pep talk from my mom last night, I felt a lot better. The rough day yesterday will just keep more motivated next week.

All we can do after days like yesterday is just get back on track the next day and keep going. Which is what I am doing today.

Love to you all!


Two posts in one day? I'm a blogaholic or something. I was just reviewing my week reveling in the battles I have won and I realized, I haven't had any regular Coke in a week! This is major for me. What's even more crazy is that I didn't even miss it. Not once did I whine about it or even post about missing it. I'm truly surprised at myself. To top it off I only had three Diet Cokes this week. I do hope to cut those out, but one step at a time.
I wanted to share this neato tracker they have at

They have a ton of different styles to chose from. If you do any posting in forums or anything it's fun to see it there or even just to post it here or on your personal blog every month or so. It's silly, but hey..it's cute too!

Thanks everyone for such a good week. I really learned a lot about myself this week.

1. I tend to binge.
2. I eat when I'm stressed or tired.
3. I do have the willpower to say "NO!" and to throw food out if need be. I just have to choose to use it!
4. My body is much more capable than I give it credit for.

I've signed up for a weight loss challenge at my scrapbooking site. It's really fun because we do layouts about the journey.
The PTO at Erin's school is also starting an excercise program. One of the moms is a personal trainer. I'm really excited about attending the next meeting and learning from her!
Little by little I am training David and Erin. This morning David asked me if I wanted some of his sugary cereal. I said "No thanks honey. It's not on my plan." He said "Oh I'm sorry. I will remember not to ask again." In the past I've tried to put them on the plan with me only to realize that I don't have the willpower for all of us. (Erin is super skinny so I'm not trying to get her to lose weight, but to eat more healthy foods.) This time, I am not going to worry about their choices although I do supervise what Erin eats as I want her to grow up eating healthy so that later in life this will not be a chore for her. David will have to do it when he is ready.

You guys are awesome!

Ladies, thanks so much for your support the last week. I am feeling better physically and mentally and it's mostly due to your encouragement and support.
Yesterday I didn't work out...just too tired; but this morning I got up and walked 1.5 miles in 25 minutes. Isnt' that great? We have a wonderful neighborhood to walk in with hills and straight stretches and it's cool to see what the neighbors are up to with their landscaping and stuff. It's also fun to see who still have their Christmas decorations still up. Since I'm a procrastinator by nature, it's good to know there are a few of us living in close proximity. :o)
Anyway, thanks.

Friday, January 06, 2006

I am an emotional wreck today. I want to pig out for comfort. Thank God you all are here. Your support is immeasurably important to me.
This morning I took my 23-year-old son to the airport. He is flying to Jackson, MS, to see if he wants to move there. My mommy heart says, "NOOOOO, don't go. There won't be anyone to take care of you if you're sick or hurt or whatever." My rational mind says, "This MAN needs to do this. He needs to experience life before he gets married and can't do whatever he wants." On the way home, I was crying and praying and I felt like God said, "Let him go. I have plans for him and they include Jackson." So, I'm working on it.
The other part of this morning is still freaking me out. Really, I'm still shaking about it. We were driving in the lefthand lane on a 4-lane freeway in the pouring rain with traffic. (Why there was so much traffic at 4 a.m. I don't know.) I was looking for a way to improve my visibility with all the water coming down and being thrown up by cars in front of me, so I put on my blinker, glanced behind and to the right to make sure no cars were there and at that moment Darren said, "HOLY CRAP!" When I turned back I saw a semi parked in the median sideways in my lane. The transition to the other lane was so smooth that Jerry, in the back seat, didn't even know what was up. Darren looked at me and I said quietly, "Okay, Jeanne, you can breathe now." As a professional driver, he was very sympathetic with my delayed panic.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe God is in control. So, I believe He was orchestrating my entire sequence of events to save our lives. If I hadn't been preparing to move over, I would've slammed into that truck going 60 mph and we would've been killed. On the way home I saw several mangled cars and the truck.
I will be processing this for awhile...but one clear thing that stands out to me: if God can orchestrate deliverance in the crises in my life, how can I not trust Him to orchestrate my life (and ultimate deliverance) in the regular, even mundane days, circumstances and situations of my life. I must trust Him.
God cares about our health. And He wants to direct us in this area. Sorry to sound preachy, but it was profound to me.


Yay for this group. I know you are adding so much motivation. power in numbers!!

Kristen, thanks for your kind comments. I am happy to be here.

okay, Sandra you are right on. fitness starts in the mind. I know this to be powerfully true from a different perspective) because I have had many seasons of poor mental health. it is extremely hard to do anything when you are depressed or anxious, because your mind is highly aware of its suffering and little else matters to it. All the things that make you feel balanced go out the window when you aren't well. chemical imbalance manifests in imbalance.

Interestingly enough, routine of every sort is now thought to combat clinical depression. Regular exercise actually diminishes the intensity (and maybe frequency and duration?) of both depression and anxiety. I think it's the endorphins.

These past two workouts have been like gold because I have been running at night. in the crisp air. Texas doesn't have crisp air in the daytime right now. I have LOVED my workouts and that is new for me. I am a little apprehensive because it can't possibly always be a glorious experience. I want to be in this for the long-haul and all the endorphins make it feel like a high instead of a chore-- so I feel like i am not really working out. I shouldn't complain about it, I know. I also probably shouldn't worry about liking something too much.

Even right now, baby asleep, I want to go run! But I am saving it for tonight.

For me, exercising like this is a big deal because it is coming relatively easily and that means my brain is working pretty well for me. and that is a big huge wonderful deal. I know this is true, too- because I was able to organize my closet with an ease I haven't felt for a really long time. Organization is also a function first of the brain.

I know this is a lot. thanks for reading and being such a suportive group.
Friday, Friday, Fri-day (in my best conga line voice)

So, has everyone got their free day all planned out?
I still can't make up my mind..... burgers and fries or pizza.... Em wants to go to Bandana's and that means big fat onion rings...

I've had a good week, stayed under 1400 calories every day. Not one bite of bread, pasta, or rice has passed my lips. I have walked from 20 - 25 minutes every day and worked out with weights 3 times. I always drink lots of water, it is my preferred drink so that's an easy one for me.

I can't tell any difference yet in the way I look or the way my clothes are fitting which is pretty depressing but Mark says my butt looks "tight" (I think he is a silver tongued devil).

The battery is dead on our scale so I haven't weighed all week which is probably a good thing because that just brings disappointment.

I'm not discouraged though, in fact, just the opposite. I feel good about what we are doing. I feel healthy and know it will show sooner or later.
I just want to thank all of you again, doing this with all of you is helping me stay on track.

I appreciate you ALL, your opinions and encouragement and strength.

Hope you have a great weekend!!

This journey is about so much more than diet and exercise. It's about retraining the mind. I know diet lingo very well because of my work. Knowing it and accepting it are two different things. I got on the scale this morning to see that it hadn't moved. I know it's too early, but I couldn't help it. I'm an instant gratification kind of gal. Disapointed with the scale, I tried the body fat measurer and did find that I had lost .60 lbs of body fat, but my mind is stuck on the number the scale spit out. I tell myself that it's okay; my body is adjusting and I'm replacing fat with muscle. I tell myself that the number on the scale is only one small part of a very big picture. I feel better, my clothes are feeling loose, my body feels stronger. I tell myself these things, but making me believe them is another story. It's a process just as much as losing the weight is a process. There are times when I will slip and fall back into my "the scale is god" mindset, but I will not stay there. I will look at this post and remember that there is so much more involved than numbers on a scale.
Today and tomorrow will be tough. The weekends always are for me. I just keep reminding myself that Sunday is my free day. That reminds me of a Bangles song.."ohhh oooo ohhhh whish it were a Sunday. That's my fun day"...Gotta love the Bangles!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

having fun

with two things:
1. accomplishing another really great workout tonight
2. this blog

ate mexican food today and pancakes for Judah's birthday meals.
maybe tomorrow will be better.


For the past four days, I have eaten completely clean. No processed foods. Nothing off my "diet" plan (I hate calling it that, but I suppose that is technically what it is). No sweets.

Someone brought chocolate espresso truffles to work today. Little tiny ones. About the size of a Hershey's kiss.

I ate one.

Big deal, right? I can't believe it, but I am actually feeling guilty about it. So STUPID! My head is telling me that one tiny truffle does not undo days of hard work. But I still feel bad about it. GRRRR.

I don't want you ladies to think I have an eating disorder or anything. I just didn't expect to feel guilty over a piece of chocolate the size of a quarter. I am working on mentally and spiritually combatting that.

Other than that, I discovered I have an urge to binge when I let myself eat one small treat. Didn't realize I had that urge before, but it's there. I've stopped at one, and I know I will be successful at stopping at one. No problem. But the urge to binge is definitely there. I'm glad I am becoming more aware of my eating habits. Very cool.


For those of you doing weight training: how much weight do you use?
I don't want to build big muscles; I just want to tone.


Why is this so fun?

I love this blog. Reading where everybody is on their journey makes my day. I did not do any exercise yesterday. My big plans to go to the gym were foiled by frantic phone calls to a man about a house in OK. Alas, that's not going to work out, and I didn't work out either.

On a side note, I did plop my rear in front of the television and watch the Biggest Loser, which was fun and awfully inspirational.

Cinnamon Roll, Thou Hast No Power!

I said no to a cinnamon roll not once but three times last night. It felt good to know I had the power (even if I didn't have the want) to say no. I told myself I was going to have one, that this could be the 10. (See comments on Kristens HMMM post). Cinnamon rolls are one of my favorites. When my friend asked me if I wanted one, time stretched herself out giving me the extra moments I needed to stop and think about what taking that cinnamon roll would mean, and I was able to gather all the will power I have gained over the last two weeks and say "No thank you.". I was able to say it again when she said I could have "just a bite" if I wanted. And I said it a thrid time this morning when I woke to see that she had left the tray with one roll on my counter. Cinnamon roll 0; Sandra 3.


I'll put it in perspective: Last night I ate a lot of pizz hut pizza after going to a Chinese place for lunch. I am very mentsrual and have terrible terrrible allergies at the moment. So last night I Needed, NEEDED to do aerobic activity but I felt lifeless and limp. tired like I hadn't slept.
BUT I Went, girlfriends. I not only went, I really worked it hard, considering. i ran in spots I normally walk in. I think it was knowing I would be able to check in here positively that motivated me. I wish I hadn't eaten that pizza and lemon chicken, but I am very happy about my 38 minutes of redemption.
After that i showered and put on Sense and Sensibility and fell asleep.
Good Luck today girls.
oh and BTW, today is Jujie's birthday. he is 2. he weighed 9'11.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006


How bad is it that I am dreaming about Double Stuffed Oreos and IHOP pancakes now?

Oooh, and Dairy Queen Blizzards!

Thank God for Saturday (free day with no exercise, no "eating right")!

Weighing the History: Childhood

We were spending the night at my Grandmother's, something we did once a month or so as children. I always slept in my mom's old bedroom, complete with a artist's portrait of her at eighteen. This night my Grandma dug through the closet to show me my mom's wedding dress, crisp white with a lace overlay of daisies and a high neck, a size one. I thought, "I will never be that small." I was nine years old.

I was right. Size one was not in my future. I'm thin at a size 5 and currently a size 8, though that will surely change. And I do not remember a time when I did not weigh myself once a week, ever.

I was her daughter, the daughter of the basketball coach who could still out run, out jump, and out shoot any of her players. She was constantly in motion. I inherited her coloring and facial features, but got the stocky build of my father on a short frame. I wanted to be built like her, slim and leggy. I was the opposite. As one Aunt said I was a "sturdy girl." It is only now, as an adult, that I can see my resemblance to her.

I couldn't look like her, so I decided to move as much as she did. I was never the basketball player my mom was, but she gave me a life long love of movement, of running, of knowing a walk can diminish most problems. For that I am thankful.

Soon to come -- adolescence


My lower body workout was killer today. My dad was in the garage working out with me, and he was cute. He was doing a bunch of army stretches he probably learned when he was a soldier in the Vietnam era (thankfully, he ended up in Korea, not Vietnam, guarding the border during the war).

I'm about to go downstairs (I'm working from home today) to make myself some delicious stir fry veggies along with a whole wheat tortilla and some lean steak leftover from last night. Yum!

Question for you ladies: have you ever heard of menstrual suppression? Here's a little info at this website: www.noperiod.com. Basically you take birth control pills, but skip the last week (where you would start your period). The thinking is, since your birth control pills keep the lining of your uterus very thin (the reason you have a period is to get rid of the thick lining, which builds up to get ready for a fertilized egg), you don't need to have a period for months at a time if you don't wish to. Many women skip their periods for three months or even years at a time without side effects--other than the good ones, like not having a period, no cramps, bloating, etc.

Anyway, I know this isn't a fitness thing, but it's health-related, and something I've been thinking about (I get two or three migraines a month right before I start) and something my doctor suggested.

Any thoughts?


Good Morning Ladies!
Yesterday was a much better day for me. I started a new program that is outlined in "The Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine". It's a healthy exchange program. Basically, I have x number of servings of each food group per day based on a 1500 calorie diet. It's a fairly simple plan I just have to check some of the serving ammounts now and then. I made a list of all the foods I'll eat and their serving size and a nifty little chart to keep track of the servings per day. It's fun because I get to check off little boxes. (Somtimes it's the little things. Right?) The only thing that doesn't thrill me about the plan is that it's practically vegan. They recomend I have 2 oz of lean meat, cheese, or eggs per day. I really don't think that is enough for me so I will be making changes in that area.
I managed to workout Monday and Tuesday which is huge for me. On Monday I am usually still in weekend mode and don't workout. I also manged to be in bed by 10:30 both Monday and Tuesday evening. My goal is to be in bed by 10 each night because 5 a.m. comes really early.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

last one to the party?! and my fat jeans are tight.=(

Thanks for letting me in so quickly!
My first confession is that I don't feel ugly or fat. it seems as if my clothes just all shrunk up. I feel normalish, but ofcourse, I lost a sense of what normal is for me sometime during my 53 lb pregnancy weight-gain. bleh. kudos to Becky for making her decision to avoid that route.
My second is the hardly any of my pre-baby clothes fit me right and Judah will be two this week!
In actuality, I weigh too much. It would be best for me to lose 10 pounds, stat. There acutally remain 13 lbs left of baby weight. But I probably lost muscle and gained more fat in its place so the real situation could be more.
I think it was Augustine that said that confession was the first righteous act. well, then, I am righteously going to bed.
Hello Ladies,
Today was hard. Can I complain for a couple minutes? I feel yucky...no sugar and less caffeine is making me feel flu-ish. Pretty normal for withdrawal symptoms and I know I'll feel better in a couple days, but it depresses me to want to have more energy and do more, but feel so crappy. I was all gungho to get going with my new routine, but I forgot to take into account the withdrawals. I have to remember not to freak out on my free day and consume the stuff that makes me feel like this.
My husband, who wants to do this, doesn't get the eating part. He really thinks he needs more to eat...he's a grazer...but he really doesn't. I think I just need to accommodate his style and have things available that he likes and that are good for him, too. Does that make sense?
On the plus side, I really do know this will pass and I'll feel better in a week or so. And I can feel results already - just because I'm sore. And, I love the statement that day is stealing back the light. Hallelujah! Today wasn't pitch black when I went to work and that is good! And, today I ate well, resisted strong temptation, and was reasonably nice to everyone. :o)
We have to remember not to be too hard on ourselves, I think. Like several have said, one minute, one meal, one step all make up the process and we don't have to be perfect. Hmmm, maybe that's how we got overweight and out of shape...dealing with our pressure to perform and not really doing it. True for me. Anyone else?

It's a gas!!

I will tell you one thing.... eating almost nothing but whole grains and fresh vegtables creates a LOT of gas!!!
Now, if my body could just convert that gas into energy... I would have it made !!!!!!!

Better Late than Never

So, I'm finally joining the conversation.

My goals are a little different, being that I'm 14 weeks pregnant. I simply don't want to gain over 25 pounds. Thus far, I haven't gained any weight, but I also haven't been exercising enough. I did get out and walk Bear Mountain for the last three days, which instantly lifted my mood. The sun even made an appearance.

This week I hope to do three cardio workouts (walking or elliptical) and two Pilates workouts.

Obstacles: (1) The freaking weather -- ice covered sidewalks and roads are not pregnant lady friendly.

(2) Exhaustion mixed with laziness -- thus far, the worst part of being pregnant. I'm so tired.

Good stuff: (1) I'm in the second trimester, so the exhaustion should fade.
(2) Every day the light takes back a minute or two, and the dark of winter recedes.

Good luck this week ladies.

I actually got out of bed

My bed never feels as warm or soft or cozy as it does at 6 a.m. when I get up to workout.

I soooooooooo didn't want to get out of bed. I'm back to work today, and that means early mornings.

But I did it anyway. And I had an awesome (cardio on the stationary bike) workout. It's going to be a great day. I think I actually enjoy sweating.

I just need to keep reminding myself--it's one day at a time, one meal at a time, for the long haul. Each day counts. Each meal is rebuilding my body and remaking my habits. Each workout counts for something good.

Yesterday I didn't eat any candy or sweet stuff, even though I was tempted. And that is quite an accomplishment for me.

Like Sandra, I am trying to celebrate each small victory.

Monday, January 02, 2006

So, it's been a rough day for me. I know that part of my problem is that I don't see myself as fat. In my mind, I am the same person I was in high school. I avoid mirrors and pictures just to keep up the image of me I have. Today I created this little poster to remind me of where I am. I don't want to be negative about it, I just want to be real. This is where I am right now. If I'm ever going to move forward I have to know and accept this. This picture also lists my weight and measurements as of last Tuesday. I'll take them again in a month and post them here with a new picture.
Hi All,
Well, we survived day 1. It seems like a long time ago that this day started, though. Tomorrow I return to work and will begin incorporating this new lifestyle there. It will be fine, but I don't want to tell anyone there what I'm up to. Why? Because I want to cherish this. I really feel like this time it's gonna be different. With my family's full support this time, I think I'll be able to do it and keep it up. But for some reason it feels very precious to me and I don't want to share it with casual friends. Is that weird? I don't know. Plus, I have this secret desire to "melt away" in front of them. (Geez, am I turning in to Gollum?)
Last night, Jerry and I took our 'before' pics. Oh my...I had no idea. I had a different picture in my head of how heavy I am. I'm going to take pictures again the first of February, March and April to chart my progress. I'm hoping I'll see the changes and it will continue to be a motivator. I guess I'm a short-term rewards kind of girl. One of the things I admire so much about Kristen is that she is intrisically-motivated - she just gets satisfaction from accomplishing what she sets out to do. I am more extrinsically-motivated...I like the rewards from time to time, even if its just compliments.
Anyway, I need to be in bed in 20 minutes, so see ya.
There was a segment on CNN this morning about New Year's resolutions and how to keep them.
It made me feel proud of what we are doing here because according the CNN (and we all know that CNN is all knowing) we are doing everything right.

1. set specific goals
2. have a plan to achieve those goals
3. make your goals attainable
4. have the support of others and the accountability of a group

See how smart we are??

I think being a part of this group will be the one thing that really helps me stay on track. (that and the fact I might die or even worse, stroke out if I don't)

Thanks again, everyone!!

Day 1

Although leftover Christmas candy (I feel your pain over the sugar cookies, Sandy!) has been calling my name, today is the first day of Body for Life for me (and my mom and dad).

My weight workout this morning was HARD. Really hard. I probably won't be able to lift my arms tomorrow!

So far eating is good. I've drank 10 glasses of water (will shoot for 10-16 each day) thus far. I was so tempted to have Starbucks today with J; it's the last day of our Christmas vacation. Back to work tomorrow. I think sticking to eating well is so much easier when I'm at work without any tempting snacks around (white cheddar popcorn, anyone?).

I am so excited about getting back into the habit of working out and eating well. I took my measurements today as well. We'll see how my measurements and habits have changed at the end of twelve weeks!
I was a pig this weekend. I knew it would happen. Too many sugar cookies calling my name and not enough self dicipline in the world to stop me from eating them. It's a new day though. I'm calling my husband right now to have him throw out the remaining sugar cookies and any other contraban that may exist. I forgot my diet journal at home today which is disapointing. I was looking forward to writing in it this morning. Today my focus is water. I've got to drink more water! Considering it'd droping by the truckload full outside that shouldn't be too hard.
Here's to a good week!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Hey Ladies,
I'm here...but I'm scared. It's easy to hide in relative anonymity behind the wonderful Kristen, but I need to step out. I've read each of you for months now and I like you tremendously.
I'm not sure what I'm doing with the community blogging, so hopefully I won't "blow anything up" so to speak.
My husband is doing this with me and while I'm glad, it will also open a whole new level of intimacy with him...starting with the before and after pictures. Sheesh!
I am looking forward to taking this journey with you. I start tomorrow, at 5:30 a.m., so I gotta get to bed. See you soon.
HAPPY NEW YEAR and here we go....

Even tho yesterday was my free day ( I usually do Sunday as my free day but since today is the 1st I wanted to start off the week on my plan) I did pretty good with my eating.

We had company for dinner last night but I didn't over do (too much) lean pork, a baked potato (which I am NOT supposed to be eating) and black-eyed peas.

And I only ate 2 of the macadamia nut white chocolate cookies I made. (now that was hard)

Well, I did pretty good until later after company left and we opened that bottle of wine (and drank the whole thing!)

Oh, well, today is a new day... a new year and I was very proud of myself for not grabbing a cookie to have with my coffee this morning.

*note to self: as soon as Levi wakes up make him take remainder of cookies to his house!