Saturday, March 27, 2010

You know, I just don't get it? I really don't.
I mean, I am not a totally undisciplined person. I do get things done, but, for some reason that I don't understand at all I just can't lose weight. I cannot control my eating habits. I can make myself eat healthy food I just can't make myself not eat too much. I just can't do it. When I'm not really hungry, when I know I don't need it, even when I hate myself for it I still eat. I don't eat huge amounts of food, I just eat all the time. I'm a nibbler. It's a bite here and bite there, a handful of pretzels or nuts, a slice of cheese, a this or a that. I do pretty well in the mornings, a lot of time not eating anything until lunch time but once I take that first bite, once I have breakfast .. it's over. I think that is part of the reason I stay out here in the office on the computer so much. I don't eat when I'm out here and I never bring food in here and I'm fine.

I can even control it for a while, a few days or weeks maybe and then when I don't ever see results I give up,get where I just don't care and I eat.

I hate being this fat. I hate not being comfortable in clothes. I would love to buy new clothes and look good but I can't seem to make myself care enough to do something about it.

Don't get it?

I just don't get it?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I am on day four of my cleanse, not sure I will continue (at least as stictly) much longer. The cleanse is definitely working... I even started my period which I am not sure if that's a good or bad sign since I haven't had one in over six months... will this never be over???
I have held to the plan better this time than any other cleanse I've ever done with almost no slip-ups. Funny, the one thing that has been hardest for me to resist is my stick pretzels.. meat, I can do without, sugar, hasn't been too bad, but OMG those pretzels have haunted me.
I have not been hungry at all. I've eaten LOTS of high fiber, high nutrient foods that have very little calories so no hunger, but, don't feel satisfied either.

I'll just see how my day goes.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Spring cleaning

It has been an unusually long,cold winter for us along with lots of sickness, lots of sickness as you know since you've heard me whine about it all winter long. And, here it is March 20 and we are still having cold, snowy, wet weather and Seth has yet another cold .. meaning we are all fixing to get it... again.

I'm thinking it is time along with the spring equinox to do a cleanse. I need it so badly.

Have any of you ever tried those detox patches you put on your feet? I was just wondering how well they work.

I'm thinking... lots of fresh veggies, juice, water, whole grains and no sugar, refined carbs or meat (maybe fish) for at least a week. I really don't like brown rice but I could manage it for a week, surely.

Lots of vitamins and supplements and maybe buy myself a case of gogi juice .. it is pretty pricey, but, I am worth it.

Anyone want to do it with me? Any thoughts or suggestions?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Just finished reading...

Angry Fat Girls by Frances Kuffel.

Reminded me a lot of our little community here and saw myself in many of the ladies' struggles. You guys might like it. (The writing is pretty good, although there were some annoying parts, too: the writer is perhaps a little too honest--i.e., mean--about her fellow angry fat girls, and it can be irritating to read "who said what on what blog and when." Kind of feels like reading about a party to which you were not invited.)

Friday, March 12, 2010

I suck at losing weight.

I don't know what my problem is. I can't seem to get my eating under control. I think that I used food as a crutch during the last year and ended up with a fairly serious emotional addiction to food.

I'm so frustrated at myself for letting this happen. I know that doesn't really do any good, but it's the truth.

I could really use some motivation vibes!

Thanks ladies.

Update: I visited SparkPeople and found some helpful information on emotional eating. I made a little sign to hang on the fridge that says "STOP! Take 5 minutes to relax by reading, listening to music, or going for a short walk. Ask yourself if you are really hungry or if you need comfort." I also put a little list on the side that says "Feel it! Express it! Move past it!"

I can't really go into detail about some of the emotional issues I'm having and perhaps the inability to discuss it either virtually or in person has led to this emotional eating. It feels like the last 5 months have had a domino effect. One very significant thing happened and then I just began to bottle everything up. I knew that I was too numb when I didn't even cry over the recent loss of our cat.

It literally feels like I've been walking on egg shells around myself. So afraid that the smallest amount of giving in would mean everything would come tumbling in on me.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Took Emily to the doctor again today for a follow-up visit, since she is just not getting over the cough. He gave her a new antibiotic which I may or may not try and renewed the prescription for her cough syrup. I also got something for nausea since she started throwing up as soon as we walked out of the office... I'm thinking maybe it was nerves.

Anyway... I was so happy for her. SHE LOST 9 POUNDS IN A WEEK!! I suppose it was from being sick although I did change a few things in her diet over the past couple of weeks.

Way to go Ms Emily!!