Monday, August 31, 2009

Okay, I have made a decision and it was not an easy decision to make either.

I worry constantly about Emily's health and mine has not been good lately either. Normally, I can get things (illnesses)under control quickly by eating right and taking the right supplements and exercise but for the past year I have not been able to. I was not able to get my blood pressure down and have been on meds for about six months and they make me feel like crap. I have had this same nagging cough for over three months now and it just won't go away...

Emily just sits back there in her room and gets fatter by the day. Cutting calories didn't work, she can't exercise... I worry about her breathing and her heart and diabetes.

Today I started doing some reading and research about diabetes and insulin resistance. I read that the closest "diet" book out there for IR diet is the South Beach Diet so...

I ordered the book and I am going to put myself and Emily on the diet and stick to it for at least six months to see if it helps her. I know it will be good for me and if she has to do it so do I.

She is going to hate me. We are going to fight. She won't understand why. But, I am determined to do this.

So, say a little prayer (if that's what you do) or wish me luck or at least think about us as we struggle to get this under control.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Doing really good with the eating well and exercising now. I exercise almost every day. Can't believe it's been three plus weeks since I had ice cream, fast food, soda or candy. Woo-woo!

I've lost 10 lbs, too (since I last checked which was probably about six weeks or so ago). It's not really about poundage (in my opinion), but it does feel good to see that on the scale. I have a ways to go, but my clothes are getting looser (bra, pants, etc.) and my belt is getting tighter. Plus, the people close to me (J, Missi, Mom and Dad) have noticed a change and that's cool.

And you know what keeps coming to my mind: I am actually being "selfish" in a healthy way right now. I am doing what is truly in my best interest (rather than what I used to think was in my best interest--pigging out). Funny how a simple change of mind can really affect you.

Love to you all.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

about an hour before dark when the temperature had dropped a little I changed my shoes and got ready to go for my walk which would make two days in a row - yeah, me. I walked out the door and it was beginning to rain. "Ah, to hell with it, I'm going walking anyway."

and I did.

I am going to try to get to the doctor next week and have him change my BP meds. The one I take has a diuretic in it and he seems to think it may be a part of the reason for the cough that still hasn't gone away. I haven't been taking it this week at all and I'm wondering if that is why I feel so bloated today?

Off to Tulsa tomorrow, I will get my walking in at the mall :)

love you lots

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

well.... I did walk this morning but I am not sure there was anything healthy about it. It was an angry, I-need-to-go-walk-this-off-before-I-kill-someone walk. It was faster than normal which I'm sure was good for me, even though I don't know how being that angry could ever be healthy.

Then, later, when I calmed down I was so worn out with the anger that I took an hour long nap.. which never happens. Usually my naps, if I ever get one, are power naps - 10 or 15 minutes at the most.

So, maybe the getting stupidly angry wasn't so bad after all.

'Round Here:

Ha ha. that title could be clever, huh?

Well, i wanted to tell you all that last night as i lay in bed, while i was drifting off to sleep I started thinking about everything I had eaten. i started thanking myself for the restraint i did show (not much) and asking myself to eat four oreos not six, next time, that is.

And then i really woke up and i was so happy that i was being so nice to myself, even in my sleep, and happier still that i have begun so internalizing my goal that i was going over the days calories without force.

how are you nice to yourselves?


Monday, August 24, 2009

The good: I have been walking more!

The bad: I have not been going to bed on time ( as is evident with this post) and I have an addiction to coke. Unfortunately it's the beverage variety and not the powdery white stuff that could help with weight loss.

I feel like I don't even know how to start this time! Life is so full of chaos right now and that is an awful excuse, but I just don't feel like I have any bit of routine to use as a starting point. Every time I try to carve something out something else pops up. David did apply for a new job that would give him normal hours and weekends off. That could be the beginning of a normal schedule if he gets it. It must sound like I'm full of excuses and maybe I am. It just feels like I'm always running from one thing to the next and trying to juggle a healthy diet and workout on top of all this running has me tired before I even start.

I know, it's about putting me first, but I'm not sure how to do that with an 11 month old and a 13 year-old.

I'll find a way. I have to do this for them and for me! So, starting tomorrow it's an 11 o'clock bed time for me. I don't care how many photos need editing or what house work is left undone.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

So Far. . .

my eating habits are shifting back to a little healthier. I have been to Jason's deli twice when i would have gone somewhere else. I had a salad yesterday at Chili's. you'll notice the trend: i am eating out a lot. it is really hard to control your weight under those circumstances.

Still, i feel that unless I had been weighing myself every morning-- something I was unable to do during the month i was on the road-- aha!-- i would still be in a binging state and gaining weight.

I expect three pounds to come off relatively easily over the next week and a half (when I will fly to boston) and then I will begin a real attempt to lose ten pounds. September and October! seven week to lose ten pounds at that point. I will be walking all around Boston and totally in-charge of my own kitchen. it is highly possible.

On A's blog she posts about not getting sleep.
This is a huge huge deal when it comes to weight maintenance and loss, and as she mentions, her disrupted sleep patterns create a disharmony to the time kept in her home-- she and Em are in a different world.

A: please please focus on getting back onto a decent sleep schedule before you attempt weight loss. it is more important. I would like to read about how you attempt to do so, so please write it all out...

love you all.

Friday, August 21, 2009


How we all seem to be thinking about this! I haven't checked this blog in a while--bad, I know. It's good to see you guys on here again.

About two weeks ago, I was doing some researching online about overeating/addictive behaviors. Yep, I answered a lot of those overeater anonymous questions with a big fat yes. Not good.

Long story short, I found an interesting "theory"--it's something I've been trying to do in my daily life and I'm telling you, my eating and motivation and exercising has gotten so much better. It's based on something called "addictive voice recognition therapy" (AVRT). The basic premise is that when we have an addiction to something (unhealthy food, drugs, alcohol), we have an addictive voice (sometimes they call it The Beast) who is constantly telling us to consume that substance. The real you is the one that wants to be healthy. If you can recognize that addictive voice and realize it has no power over you (over your body, over your limbs, over your mind) and ignore its siren song, you can gain power and control over your addiction.

The real me wants to be healthy for so many reasons--more energy, a good example for Alyssa, a better, stronger body. The Beast just wants me to take the easy way out every time--wants me to eat to deal with sad/bad feelings--wants me to eat, eat, eat until I'm stuffed. I'm telling the Beast to leave me alone.

For overeaters, another aspect of this is "playing TAPS" for your Beast. Basically setting up some rules for yourself in regard to:

I've basically told myself, no eating after 7:30 p.m. or eating in my car. This gets rid of fast food and the constant desire I had to leave the house after Alyssa went to bed to get something fatty and sweet. Seriously, sometimes I was consuming 500-1,000 calories in the evenings and going to bed with an upset stomach. As far as amount goes, I am just working on eating to satisfaction, not overwhelming fullness/stuffing myself like I was.

I haven't put any restrictions on myself for substance, but I have had about three (very minor) sweet treats in the last two weeks--before it was about three treats each day--and no fast food--and I was eating a LOT of fast food. Eating sweets and fast food just doesn't get the Real Me anywhere near my goals--and that's why I'm not eating them.

Girls, I resisted free onion rings. Dude.


I don't know enough about this to recommend it to everyone, but I know it's working for me right now. (I've ordered the book for this, but I haven't received it yet; I'm just going off what I learned on the website.) But let me tell you, ladies, this has improved my eating by TONS. I used to shoot for 90% good foods--it was usually more around 50% and some days less. (Ugh, just admitting that is hard.) Now I'm eating about 95% healthy foods all the time. I was eating a LOT of junk--and this has really helped me.

I haven't really lost much weight, but I've gone down a notch on my belt, my stomach feels less puffy--and frankly, I just feel better. I'm not as swollen. I have more energy at the gym (and I'm making it to the gym and out walking and doing yoga more) and all day long. I am even thinking about getting off caffeine. Eeeek.

Anyway, just wanted to share that with you gals. If it helps, cool. If not, no biggie.

I admire that you all are so open about what you are going through and that I have you to share with. Love you girls!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I have walked three times this week and hope to go again in the morning, not bad. I even increased the time on the last walk.
My eating has been hit and miss.. I do really well and then follow it up with junk.

I had a dream the other night that I was shopping for a dress and the only one that would fit me was a size 25. Weird dream, I know, but, I woke up feeling so bad about myself. It has kind of stuck with me all week.

There are times when I would like to dress up or at least dress better and then I get this feeling of "why bother" "no matter what I put on I am still going to look fat and ugly"

I know this is not supposed to be about weight but sometimes I can't help but let it bother me.. but it never bothers me enough to actually do something about it. I just feel bad and keep on doing the same things.

I bought a new pair of dark wash jeans from Lane Bryant. They have this stupid new sizing chart where you put in your measurements and they give you your new size. I bought size 5 jeans. What?? They think they are going to fool women into believing they are not fat just by changing the sizes? The size 5's were too big in the waist even after giving them measurements. I sent them back.

I did walk right on by the bakery department at Sam's today while everyone was ooohhing and aaawwing over the baked goods. Yeah Me!

I will get up in the morning and go walk. I will drink water at least half of the time. I will try to nibble on grapes instead of chips (I only bought fat free anyway)
I will keep trying. I will.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


this could not have come at a better time. I find myself, at this very moment, about fifteen pounds over my ideal weight. My ideal weight has a five pound grace limit right above it, so that I am ten pounds over my acceptable grace weight. geez.
Ten POUNDS> maybe it doesn't seem like much. it is. the real goal should be the fifteen pounds.

You know, until recently, I was five pounds thinner than i am now. FOR LIKE A YEAR! A YEAR! but then, i just started eating whatever I wanted to, which normally is fine for me, but i started eating dessert a lot, all of a sudden.

I am on this train. more later.
Big plans this week. I'm going to start walking. It's been rather warm and muggy here so my step-sister and I are going to be walking in the evenings. This works out well since I work mornings. Wish me luck!

You'll notice this post comes well after my 11 o'clock bed time. I can't sleep. It's so hard for me to sleep when David isn't here.

Friday, August 14, 2009

so, ladies, how has your week been? I've made small changes, nothing drastic or world changing but I feel better about it. I didn't walk every day like I hoped to and I didn't eat all healthy foods but I figure that any little improvement helps. I had a junior whopper on Wednesday night but that was the only eating out we have done this week. I drank more water and less pop. I took my vitamins.

now, if I could just get around to shaving my legs... :)

I love you guys.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Going deep

Last night I went to bed at eleven but couldn't sleep. I tossed and turned wondering why it feels different this time. In the past I've always felt the desire/urge to get healthy and lose weight. This time there is nothing. So I searched last night for the answer and it came. The truth is I'm so angry about this scar on my chest not just because it's a blazing red signal to everyone of what I consider a private matter, but because, for me, it symbolizes my bodies ability to turn on me, to let me down.
I've never considered myself a vain person, but maybe I am. I hate having it. I hate that no matter how healthy I am or how much weight I lose I will have a scar that belongs on a 70 year-old's body when I am only 30. I hate that I put on a shirt with a v-neck and take it off because the nasty voice inside me says "Yuck! No one should have to look at that!". I hate that it is there to remind me of one of the most scary times of my life. I know it speaks of healing and of making it through and of courage, but it also speaks of the opposites of those things.
Mostly, it reminds me that doing all of these things to make myself more healthy will tip the scale in favor of me being and staying healthy but it in no way guarantees I'll stay that way.

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Super Foods

Here is the list of Super Foods:

Dark Chocolate (100 calories or 2 small nuggets)
Citrus fruits - lemons, grapefruit, limes, etc.
Blueberries - grapes, cranberries, raspberries, strawberries, cherries
Apples, pears
Plums, pomegranates
Pumpkin, carrots, sweet potatoes
Beans (all kinds)
Soy (all soy products including edema, soy nuts, soy milk, tofu, etc.)
Broccoli (all brassicas including brussel sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower)
Oats, flaxseed (all whole grains including wild rice, barley, couscous, etc.)
Nuts (all kinds)
Salmon, albacore
Chicken breast
Black Pepper
Olive oi, canola oil

That is a lot of variety for healthy eating. No one should feel deprived with this much choice.

Now if I can just stay away from the bologna and chips :)
The Good Protein Chart

Protein can help you shed those unwanted pounds and keep your belly full. But it's important to eat the right amount and the right kind of protein to get the health benefits.
Fish & Seafood

Seafood is one of the best sources of protein because it's usually low in fat. Fish such as salmon is a little higher in fat but it is the heart-healthy kind: omega-3 fatty acids.
White-Meat Poultry

Stick to the white meat of poultry for excellent, lean protein. Dark meat is higher in fat. The skin is loaded with saturated fat, so remove skin before cooking.
Milk, Cheese Yogurt

Not only are dairy foods excellent sources of protein but they also contain valuable calcium. Choose skim or low fat dairy to keep bones and teeth strong, prevent osteoporosis and enhance weight loss.

Eggs are one of the least expensive forms of protein. The American Heart Association says normal healthy adults can safely enjoy an egg a day.

One-half cup of beans contains as much protein as 3 ounces of broiled steak. Plus, these nutritious nuggets are loaded with fiber to keep you feeling full for hours.
Pork Tenderloin

This great and versatile white meat is 31% leaner than 20 years ago.

Twenty five grams of soy protein daily can help lower cholesterol and reduce the risk of heart disease. Combine soy protein foods like tofu with a healthy low fat diet.
Lean Beef

Lean beef has only one more gram of saturated fat than a skinless chicken breast. Lean beef is also an excellent source of zinc, iron and vitamin B12.
Protein on the Go

Grab a meal replacement drink, cereal bar or energy bar. Check the label to be sure the product contains at least 6 grams of protein, and is low in sugar and fat.

the url for this is:
Here are a couple of links to healthy drive through choices. It may not be the best, but at least you know you can chose healthfully while at the drive though.

Luckily I'm nowhere near a drive through so it's a little easier to make meals. What I used to do when I was eating on a different meal plan than David and Erin was make a batch of grilled chicken on Sunday that would last through the week. I'd slice it up and throw it in a salad. I kept those bags of tossed salad in the fridge along with my favorite salad dressing. It was great especially in the summer! I just threw it together and ate.

I'm wondering what your thoughts are on food choices. I know it's good to have a wide variety, but it seems that if I have more than a few options I just end up eating a little of everything! When I lost weight/got healthier in the past I had the same thing for breakfast and lunch and then had a handful of things I switched around for snacks and dinner was almost always a grilled chicken or fish, veggies, and a baked sweet potato. Is that enough variety? As long as I'm taking my vitamins should that be okay?
I didn't get into bed until 2am, I was up and down all night coughing and gagging, didn't wake up until 10:30 this morning and when I did it was already hot. I walked to the dog pen, walked back to the laundry room (where the dog food is kept)fed Rufus, walked back to the dog pen (100 yards or so), fed Copper, picked tomatoes and okra while I was down that way, walked to the pool to turn off the pump (another 50 yards, or there about)started back to the house................. it's hot........ I told my girls I was going to do this... and off I went up the trail.

So, thanks for holding me accountable. I felt better about making myself go walk.

(even though I was miserable hot and sweaty by the time I got back)

I had my half cup of coffee and NO cookie.

I had two scrambled eggs for breakfast instead of a bagel and cheese.

I did pretty good all day until supper time and then I had a about a cup of strawberry ice cream and two shortbread cookies.

Oh, well, it is a start.

I think I will go walk again this evening before dark.

How are you doing?

Saturday, August 08, 2009

one more time

I am not sure what happened to cause me to completely fall off the healthy lifestyle wagon, but, I have. I have been feeling guilty for several weeks now about not walking, but, still I don't walk. I blame the heat, then the rain, well, I'm out of excuses. While I was brushing my teeth tonight getting ready to go to bed I looked at myself in the mirror and thought "Geez, Aola, you look terrible" My eyes are sunken in and have big dark circles around them. I have been fighting this cough for almost three months now and my body is just not healing the way it should. I'm not winning. All I want to eat is sweets and that is not like me. I have actually lost weight this summer but only because I just don't have much of an appetite.
I went to bed and lay there thinking about all the things I know to do and do not... well, you all know what that is. The Bible says it's a sin. I say it is just stupid.

So, I got up out of bed and put my robe on and came to the office to declare (once again) that I will fight (for a better quality of life). I will turn this around again and get well, get to feeling better, looking better, and feeling better about myself.

I will get up in the morning and NOT eat a cookie with my morning 1/2 cup of coffee and I will take the dogs on a walk before breakfast.

I am going to revert back to my healthier eating, more veggies and fruits and good proteins, less sugar.

I will take the proper vitamins and supplements daily instead of every third or fourth day like I have been.

Sometimes, I guess, I just get weary in well doing. It is hard being older and not being able to eat the things you really like or having the energy to keep fighting. But, my resolve is in place and

HERE I GO....................