Thursday, May 31, 2007

Creating a look

I want a look, a look that exemplifies me, not the latest fashion. I don't achieve anything that comes close to a look most days.

My closet is the closet of a schizophrenic. Voile skirts next to a straight black skirt and overalls.

So, people if you could dress me, dress me as my personality and if you possible my short body, what would it be?

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Creative Tension

There are lots of ideas out there as to what beauty is and i think my feelings on the subject reflect lots of influences.
I am certainly NOT a red lipstick in the daytime kind of girl- not usually, anyway. I think that reflects my sense of moderation, as Aola suggests- enhancing looks.

Still, thanks to Kristen Sartorialist link, i am starting to open up to our presentation of ourselves as possible art form. I think that idea is as old as tribal get-up, and i think the power suit, strong make-up combo should be analyzed for what it is: trumped up insecurity or learned behavior. Of course, it now occurs to me that i think everything these days is about power. I think small and tight shorts are meant to garner attention and influence.

I guess i think it is fun to analyze what we wear and how we wear it in terms of why we do that.
So, looking in my closet i see: lots of easy separates, a cute and slightly funky dress from anthropologie, lots of fall foliage colors. I happen to love fall! And i love whatever it is that Anthropologie offers me:artsy-quirky sophistication? Individuality in the details, though, you know, tons of women love the store.

I think my mother in law is really pretty. at nearly sixty, she is very very active! she works out faithfully, mows the lawn every week, works at a mother's day out, maintains a beautiful garden, oozes hospitality, and engages readily with her grandchildren. All while wearing younger clothes than most sixty year olds- but she gets most of them from Chadwick's so you know they aren't scandalous! She's fun and she puts herself together well, though simply. She loves the color green and spends on her favorite lipstick. She also has the most delicate little hands. She accessorizes, she is playful.
She inspires me.

I have one of those husbands who prefer the natural hair and face look. The new pictures on my blog reflect his influence on my style. I am a lot more casual and in my own skin than i used to be. I think that is when i feel my most attractive, when i am having a really great conversation with Chris, calm and clean, minimal make-up.
Good Lord, i don't think i really answered the question!

Natural beauty

I ran into a woman yesterday that I have known a long time. Sandy knows her - Lisa.
When I first met her she was in her early 30's and although she was a beautiful young woman I thought she always looked mousy. It looked like to me that she was trying to look the part of a mature, responsible, woman. Her hair style was too old, her clothes too old and too modest for such a pretty young vibrant woman. Okay, so now she has done a total flip. She is in her mid 40's now with two teenage girls. She was over tanned, sort of orange colored, her hair color was some awful red, her shorts way too short and her top way too tight for anyone's mama to be wearing.

I have my opinion about what beauty is, and, of course, it is just my opinion, but I think a beautiful woman is one who knows how to enhance their natural beauty without using too much make up, one who can let their sexiness shine through without flaunting their body parts.

What is your opinion of beauty? and how do you think we achieve that?

I sort of have trouble finding a balance for myself. I never, ever want to be guilty of trying to look like a teenager or a prostitute, but I don't want to dress or style my hair like an old woman either.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

My life is a gift

I don't think we've posted these here before, but I thought these were really good.

From this website:

Affirmations for Compulsive Overeaters

1. My worth as a person is not diminished in any way by my body size or my eating patterns.

2. I will love myself no matter what my eating patterns are.

3. I will judge my days not by what or how much I eat, but by the accomplishments I have made and the love I have given.

4. My life is a gift, and I will not let my enjoyment of it be diminished by feeling guilty over my body size or how much I eat.

5. I am finished blaming others, situations, and myself for the way I eat. I will take action minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, and day-by-day until I can eat normally again.

6. Compulsive overeating is a temporary condition in my life.

7. There is a normal eater within me. I will let her/him take over my life more and more each day as I am ready.

8. I can imagine a life without being a compulsive overeater.

9. When I feel stressed, I will close my eyes and picture how my all-powerful, normal eater would handle the situation.

10. I believe I will be a normal eater again. I know I will be a normal eater again!

Source: The Fat Fairy Godmother

Two, three and four really hit home for me. As I'm reading through intuitive eating blogs, it is encouraging to see how people have initally struggled and sometimes gained weight and really had to work on this. That's where I am right now, and I appreciate so many women sharing their struggles.

I have four books on mindful eating on hold at the library right now; it might be a bit of an overload (got a little carried away when reserving books online), but I figure this way I can pick and choose. :) I've been really fascinated by the way the French approach life and eat lately; I want to savor my food and enjoy it, like I've read most French people do.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

A couple of things from the Priestess Rachelle @ Urban Abbess:

The first one is a part of a meditation on the feminine divine -

(3-5 breath cycles each)
I am godmother, bearer of good gifts in time of need.
I am sister, who entwines my hands and my hair, my tears and my laughter with your own.
I am mother who baptizes the birth of new things in water and blood.
I am lover who bears within her body the power to bond and to break.
I am warrior, ready to defend her young and protect her brooding place.
I am wisdom who carries great truths in the lines of her face.
I am she who holds you under her wings.

You can read the rest of the meditation at Urban Abbess. I printed it so I could use it at home during my metta blast time.

The second is from a woman she met that is a Unitarian minister:

“Love is the doctrine of this church.
The quest for truth is our sacrament,
and service is our prayer.
To dwell together in peace,
and to help one another in fellowship is our deep desire,
that all shall grow into harmony with the Divine.”

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Have you ever noticed how things that are bad for you don't usually taste nearly as good as you think they will?? Take for instance, last night's brownie sundae... fudge brownie on the bottom, chocolate chip ice cream, and whipped cream - well, it sounded so good .... I ate about half and threw the rest away.

Whatever possessed me to make in the first place I'll never know because I don't even like ice cream.

Might have been the blues brought on by a killer menstrual period that has lasted 8 days so far.

Friday, May 18, 2007

A dress for Sandra

You know, for all the talking we do about bodies over here...I don't know your body type or size really, Sandra. :) You mentioned you want a dress for vacation...tell us what you're looking for (casual, dressy, warm, cool, short, long?) and we'll try to help you.

In the meantime...I think this dress would look super pretty on you, especially with your eyes. :)

Then again...this is super sexy:

I'm not a huge fan of the ruching, but if you like the black and white motif...:

Or something with a little more coverage:

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Just read this article today on the top eight strategies that work for weight loss according to consumer reports and wanted some feedback. Most of it is the same old stuff, but I found number eight interesting.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Ladies, make sure to update your links to this site. I changed the address to

Stinkin' cool

I knew I loved Kate Winslet. She recently donated a settlement she received from a British magazine that stated she was seeing a "diet guru" to an anti-eating disorder organization.


Monday, May 14, 2007

Food common sense

Here's a long but really good post about whole grains at Junkfood Science. I found the part about the fiber in coffee to be really interesting. The conclusion:

There is always going to be some potential loss of nutrients with processing or cooking of any food, but it’s easy to forget the overall positive benefits. When it comes to food, there’s no evidence we have to live in fear. Enjoying a variety of everything has never been shown to be harmful. Nor is there good evidence for an ideal, “healthy” diet that will prevent diseases (beyond deficiencies) or keep us from growing old. Again and again, it appears ‘enjoy everything’ is the best and soundest nutritional advice. And it’s sure a lot more fun and tasty.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Day Ten

i think we've been here ten days today, or we're on our tenth day now, and from the feel of it, this is going to be really easy.
at this point, i bet easy is just what a doctor what order.
most of my friends, including my sister, seem to agree.
I feel i am stabilized by being here. here, it becomes clear to me that i have been conflicted every single day for the three years' prior to our leaving.
though- and this is a bit of hard-won knowledge for me about myself- i am not primarily a thinker, so when i am conflicted i manifest other ways than in my stream of consciousness. i don't think confusedly, though i can at times be confused, but i feel anxious. i feel the conflict, even if i try to sublimate it with my thinking good thoughts over the tension in my back or soul.
all that has radically reduced. the little earthquakes in my subconsciousness are finally calming.
i miss a few of my friends (tiffany, brent, alex, tim). i miss my therapist. i miss our cars (we decided it was best to leave the cars since they weren't in our names).

but i don't miss the fog in my soul.

More good stuff

A cool article about embracing your flaws.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

I went to Curves this morning for the first time in a long time. I feel great! Even with the free weights at home, I haven't been doing as thorough a workout as I would like. Curves offers a quick way for me to touch on all the muscle groups. I'm planning on going M,W,F and doing the elliptical at home every day for 30 minutes. My body and mood have both been tired lately. I know it's because I haven't been working out other than doing the elliptical. I am trying to lose weight not to fit into some media image but because I love my body and I know that I am carrying too much weight. It's made me feel slugish and lazy. I'm not going to set goals or time lines. I'm going to give my body what it needs and trust that it will take care of the rest.

I tried a cinamon dolce latte (sugar free and non fat) from Starbucks. Not really my style. I like more of a coffee flavor.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Lyrics to the Cheetah Girls - Cinderella

This is one of Emily's favorite songs:

When I was just a little girl,

My mama used to tuck me into bed,

And she'd read me a story.

It always was about a princess in distress

And how a guy would save her

And end up with the glory.

I'd lie in bed

And think about

The person that I wanted to be,

then one day I realized

The fairy tale life wasn't for me.

I don't wanna be like Cinderella,

Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar,

Waiting for somebody to come and set me free. (Come and set me free)

I don't wanna be like someone waiting

For a handsome prince to come and save me

on a horse of white

Unless somebody's on my side

Don't wanna be

No, no, no one else.

I'd rather rescue myself.

Someday im gonna find Someone

who wants my soul, heart and mind

Whos not afraid to show that he loves me

Somebody who will understand im happy just the way i am

Dont need nobody taking care of me

(i will be there)I will be there for him just as strong as he will be there for me

when i give myself then it has got to be an equal thing

I don't wanna be like Cinderella,

Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar,

Waiting for somebody to come and set me free. (Come and set me free)

I don't wanna be like Snow white waiting

For a handsome prince to come and save me

on a horse of white

Unless somebody's on my side

Don't wanna be

No, no, no one else.

I'd rather rescue myself.

I can slay (I can slay) my own dragons. (My own dragons)

I can dream my own dreams. (My own dreams)

My knight in shining armor (shining armor) is me.

So I'm gonna set me free.


I don't wanna be like Cinderella,

Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar,

Waiting for somebody to come and set me free.

I don't wanna be like someone waiting

For a handsome prince to come and save me

On a horse of white

Unless somebody's on my side

I don't wanna be like Cinderella,

Sitting in a dark, cold, dusty cellar,

Waiting for somebody (oh -Oh) to come and set me free.

I don't wanna be like someone waiting

For a handsome prince to come and save me

on a horse of white

Unless somebody's on my side

Don't wanna depend

on, no one else.

I'd rather rescue myself.

Saturday, May 05, 2007


you ladies are such a reference point for me, a homebase for my soul, because you only know me honestly. i don't write words that aren't true and immediate for me and that, dears, is a really cool way to be known, sans the bullshit.

our little family made it out of texas and into Oklahoma three days ago. i am in T*lsa. and i am hoping to get in some face time with Aola while i am here. not that i exactly know where you are A.

in general, my spirits are up. there is a peace here- in the city and in my soul. we'd orginally planned on staying about five weeks, but we may stretch that out to three months. debt.

it would be best to stay for that long- but i don't want to . i want to keep the momentum and i am embarrassed to live with his parents for that long.
still, it is a smart thing to do and, as most people know, three months goes by REALLY fast when you are in your late twenties. fast fast fast.
it would probably take that long to set up a life in Chicago for ourselves, properly. and properly is the way i want to do it.
Judah seems to like "hokahoma" just fine! he has his cousins and two furry cats to torment. C's spirits seem to be lifting.
but me? i am on my own for the first time, no safety net, and am feeling overwhelmed. i feel impatient when i think about having to resurrect our finances over the summer.
Still, i realize taking responsibility for myself is the first real step toward independence and if it looks like spending the next few months here well. . . i can cope.
i still want to be rescued, but i guess that is the point.
do it myself.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

More good reading

I saw a girl last night at church* that I grew up with who has what most would consider a perfect body. She is petite but with nice curves--probably a size 4 at the most. One would probably think that she came by it naturally, but I know she is very, very conscious of what she eats, how she exercises, etc, and her natural body type is really quite a bit heavier.

Kind of makes me sad. All the time spent on how we look...when it's so little a part of who we truly are (in my opinion).

Anyway, ran across this interesting book review at one of my favorite blogs, Junkfood Science. My local library hasn't received the book yet, but I am already on the "request hold" list.

I'm off to read the author's article in Bitch magazine. This is promising to me:

Her personal essay appears in the Spring issue of Bitch, discussing the internal struggles women deal with over food and body weight, from feeling guilty about choosing a bagel instead of fruit to whether to go to the gym or get some sleep. “We are not our bodies,“ she concludes. “Our souls are not our stomachs. Our brains are not our butts. A lot of women have lost track of the truth that how we feel about our bodies does not have to be indicative of how we feel about ourselves....[T]he quality of your life is diminished if you think about food and fitness obsessively.”

She also makes an important point that:

It would be truly radical in society for women to stop settling for self-hate, to come to terms with their bodies and try to heal our self-images. And realizing that perfection is unattainable and in fact, uninteresting. There’s no global political prescription. You can’t take to the streets to change this. If people can individually come to terms with their own body, that’s huge. Besides, the quest for perfection is joyless and boring.

*Might blog about the whole church experience at some point, but it's a little raw now--plus, I know certain people who read my blog would be hurt/angered by it.