The elliptical is my new best friend. We meet once a day and it's been good. I did take a break during my period because I was too moody and apathetic to care. I know it would have made me feel better, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
It's amazing to me how my attitude about working out can change so drastically from day to day. I recently went to dinner with a friend who has lost a significant amount of weight and was excited to talk to her about her journey because I assumed she was not in it for the weight loss, but for the health benefits. I was wrong. I left the dinner feeling so disappointed. Don't get me wrong, I think what she has done is amazing and I am happy for her, I just wanted someone who understood where I am coming from when I tell them that I'm jumping off the diet train and doing my darnedest not to get back on it. I'm taking the less followed bath of body love and acceptance and hoping that somewhere along the way I learn to love my body the best that I can and give it everything that it needs to be healthy even if I never drop a pound or change a size. I said all that to say that the weeks since that dinner haven't been so good. I have been eating whatever whenever just because I'm pissed that my size 16 body seems so deplorable to others that I need to starve it and beat it into submission.
I've since gotten over the bad attitude. I woke myself up and realized that eating myself into a size 24 isn't going to make matters any better for anyone. Besides, it was making me feel like crap and the whole point I'm trying to make is that I can feel good without being a size 0.
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2 comments:
I have days where I am content to be me, other days where I hate being me, and, funny, but I hadn't thought about (until I read your post) but the days where I am discontent are usually days that I don't eat right or exercise. So, bottome line is, I guess, that if I know I'm taking care of myself that I am happy with who I am and how I look.
Sandra, I think any of us could have written your post, you know? We all experience this!
I like to think I'm adding years to my life by not stressing about getting to some American ideal, and value to my life by not spending my time constantly thinking about how to get thin--it actually allows me to think about other stuff, whether it be trivial but fun (fashion) or real and good (books, social justice, etc.).
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