Thursday, February 19, 2009

I'd love for this to be the post where I tell you how amazingly easy it is to do without sugar. I'd love to tell you that in the battle between Sandra and cupcake Sandra won, but it wouldn't be true. I gave in to temptation today and had a cupcake. Blasted cupcake! I didn't even enjoy it if that makes up for it. I did wrestle with myself for an hour before giving in. What I found is that I wanted the texture of the cupcake not the sweetness of it. I'm not sure there is a substitute for cake/brownie like texture that doesn't involve sugar. I'm going to try an apple sauce cake and she if that does the trick.
I did skip on pasta for dinner. I almost just said screw it and loaded it on my plate, but in the end sanity won. I loaded up on sweet peas and zucchini instead.

I have a friend that's been on a no sugar diet for three years now. I guess it's a lifestyle change after that long. She also uses over eaters anonymous, which is based on AA, to help her through it. I went to a meeting with her once, but thought it wasn't anything I needed, but I'm changing my mind. When I think of my relationship to food I can see pretty clearly that it's very similar to what any addict must feel. The ease of giving in to temptation. The way I tell myself just one more won't hurt anything. It's even more tricky because my battle is food and I have to eat. There is just no way around it. What I realized today after eating the cupcake is that in the past once I give in to that sort of temptation I just give up on myself. I'm not giving up this time. I may slip a million more times, but you'll still find me trudging up that hill.

6 comments:

R said...

I get the texture thing. Do you want more recipes? I have a an oat muffin recipe and an apple walnut muffin recipe -- both use splenda, so if you are against splenda, they might be a problem. I waffle on the sugar substitutes.

That you didn't blow the whole day is huge. Huge. I think you are doing great.

aola said...

sometimes at the end of the day I have to sit and wonder why it is I can't just not control my appetite? It seems like it shouldn't be that big of a deal, I mean it is just food. But, I don't seem to be able to. I try to justify the fact that I eat healthy foods most of the time but like my ex-husband used to tell me "if you eat enough dirt you are going to get fat"... I do eat healthy foods but I eat waaaayy too much of it (the scales don't lie)and I don't really understand why I can't control it?

So, if you figure out why we have this addiction, please, let me know :)

Sandra said...

I would love some recipes. I'm making peace with the use of sugar substitutes in moderation.

A, I wish I knew the reason I have an addiction to food. I think it's a different reason for each person.

R said...

Sandra, the below is not to say you are wrong, but to problematize the idea of food as an addiction. It's me playing with ideas and words and seeing if they can reshape how I think and behave.

So, the addiction rhetoric surrounding food bothers me. I'll list all of my reasons: 1. We have to eat. Have to. Making something we have to do in to an addiction further neuroticizes it. 2. If we are addicted to food, how does that position us? Are we sick? Are we victims? 3. The rhetoric surrounding addicts and addictions treats the addiction as a constant battle, as something that is a continual problem.
Instead of an addiction, I like to think of it as a bad habit. I know that's seem like semantics, word-play, but habits can be changed, forever. Habits can be re-shaped -- they say as in little as eight weeks. Habits are something we can continue with modifications.

Sandra said...

Becky,

That's an interesting point of view, and you've got me thinking.

For me personally, labeling it as a habit doesn't fully express the control it has over me. If it were a mater of changing a habit I wouldn't still be struggling as I've changed habits many times for extended periods of time and yet inevitably it resurfaces.
You are correct, addiction to food doesn't really express the truth of the situation either. In fact it seems unfair to think of being addicted to something that I must have to survive.
And neither of these options address the emotional reasons for over-eating.

Maybe neither of these labels are true or adequate. Maybe emotional dependence to overeating is a better term for what I'm struggling with.

In that term there is room for both habit and addiction. I'm addicted to finding ways of glossing over my emotions rather than dealing with them and because of that addiction I have a habit of overeating. This is the reason for the habit's constant return. When I have the habit of turning to food for emotional balance under control something else is taking it's place. I can see those things now. Controlling what I eat to point of insanity, punishing myself with ridiculous workouts, and even just allowing my emotions to be out of control have all be habits that took the place of overeating.

Goodness, I really had no idea about any of this until I sat do think about your comment.

Of course I always knew there was an emotional side to the reason I overate, but for some reason it seems like I only knew it on the surface and now I know it on a much deeper level.

I just read an few interesting articles that I'm going to post.

Thanks for making me think!

Kristen said...

This has been very insightful, gals.