Women, Phenomenally

Normally clothes shopping perpetuates the diet/binge cycle for me. It goes something like this, I eat well and exercise. I go clothes shopping. Said clothes are unkind and won't fit in the places they should. I end up sad and depressed and decide to eat whatever I want because not eating what I want hasn't helped anyway. The problem has always been that I have a specific size that I feel like I should fit into in order to be beautiful, but I've never actually been that size, and trying to become that size feels like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Yesterday, I went shopping and made a conscious decision not to judge body. If I tried something on and it didn't look good, I simply thought to myself "this style isn't for me" and moved on to the next item. I paid no attention the size of the garment. I looked at how it hugged my curves and really paid attention to how I felt in it. It was a totally freeing shopping experience. I tried on things I never dreamed I would like because in the past I wouldn't have tried them on at all because I would have thought I was too fat for them. After my shopping experience, I didn't feel the need to eat at all. I felt beautiful in the new shirts I bought. I took the time to appreciate my body. I will say that it is still very difficult to go shopping because designers are not as appreciative of my body as I am. Why do they feel that anyone over a size 9 wants to wear a sack? I am reading "The Diet Survivor's Handbook" (thanks to Kristen) and am working through it's lessons. I'm trying not to judge myself as being "good" or "bad" about following the recommendations in the book. I'm opening myself up to this being a journey and allowing myself to experience it rather than control it.