big FAT day

Yep, it's one of those days. My clothes all feel tight. I feel like a big fat whale. I hate days like these. They usually make me want to throw my hands up and scream "What's the point anyway?". I know part of my problems is my upcomming visit from the period fairie. Another is most likely my recent visit to the mall with my tall skinny sister-in-law who constantly talks about how fat she is. She is not one of those girls who knows she is skinny and says she is fat either. She really does have body image issues. I recomended therapy, and I was serious.
It's a fine line I walk between loving and accepting my body and being realistic about the size I am and the weight I need to lose. I have to really focus on reminding myself of what size I am, but too much focus in that direction sends me right over the edge. Sometimes I feel too comfortable in this skin; too used to this bluber layer that has accumulated over the last few years. I can even convince myself that I am beautiful and sexy and that I don't need to lose a single pound. That scares me as much as obsessing over an extra five pounds. I have to find balance. I have to love me for who I am and be proud of how strong and capable my body is all the while understanding that I need to lose weight inorder to be healthy and give myself every opportunity to have a long and healthful life. Today the scale is tiped towards the too fat side.